Let's get one thing straight: I am not. Lesbian, schizophrenic, untidy, chaotic, psychotic, rejected, unloved. But: loving, caring, empathetic, honest and direct. Please be kind, I will be kind in return. Just trying to reach for freedom from the prison of my life.

Latest Entry

My first true friend

April 20, 2019
Today I was thinking about a friend I have not hear about in ages, Boris. He was my first real friend. We met in hospital, and basically all my friends apart from Athena and her family members are hospital acquaintances. My University fellows are recent acquaintances, and they are sort of true fr...
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Recent Entries

  • Memories of a long time ago
    April 19, 2019
    I was sitting here, writing my thesis, getting tired and sleepy, then I found some pictures of Simone, my first lesbian lover. Yes. I always think that I lost my virginity the first time I slept with a man, but that was just a horrible experience. I lost my virginity to beautiful Simone, one year...
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  • Sleep deprivation
    April 19, 2019
    I am sitting here, at work, it is lunch break. I am alone today, nobody else here. In the last couple of days I have been feeling utterly tired. Just as if I could not focus on my work, on my tasks, on my chores; the only thing I enjoyed was sleeping. I am working…
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  • Acceptance
    April 15, 2019
    I am still at work, but I have finished for today. I still need to guarantee my presence for half an hour, so here I am. Sometimes I fear that once my mother will be dead, I will be dead too. Despite the fact that she does not really love me, not in the real…
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  • Moral and immoral
    April 13, 2019
    Just my daily report. I have been working again on my thesis until now. Today there was a meeting at the archive, it was nice and I saw many people I did not know: politicians, our president, our vice-president, and my coordinator, Andy. I was thinking about him before. He is married with the sis...
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  • Praying to no-one
    April 12, 2019
    I have been working at my thesis until now. I just need two minutes to slow down my thoughts before I go to bed. I am not sure the full cup of coffee I have beside my computer will be helpful in finding sleep tonight, but I guess my medication will do a great job…
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  • The girl who got too much love
    April 12, 2019
    Also today finishing my day at work. I need to keep track of what is going on these days, many emotions spinning around and around; and I do not want to be emotional. I keep emotions for a journal or for drawing, for nothing else and the day is still long. The night will be…
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  • Death of the heart
    April 11, 2019
    I am just finishing my day at work. Last week I took part in a course for archivists together with my boss. Casually, there was also an ex high school mate of mine there, who is now archeologist. That triggered a lot of bad memories. I hate my ex class mates, I hate everything that…
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  • Festival, work, enthusiasm
    March 28, 2019
    I have been to Fribourg for four days. My mother did not want me to go, but it was a great occasion for my future career. I was there as a member of the jury of a film festival. I was there to represent my University. So... I would have never said no to this.…
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  • A shared mind
    March 11, 2019
    I do not know what I think about my emotions these days. I imposed myself a strict discipline: low calories intake, reduced smoking. Still, I feel unconrtollable forces driving my feelings to excess and to some extent to what I do not want to be. I am my therapist's best success, a schizophrenic ...
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