Let's get one thing straight: I am not. Lesbian, schizophrenic, untidy, chaotic, psychotic, rejected, unloved. But: loving, caring, empathetic, honest and direct. Please be kind, I will be kind in return. Just trying to reach for freedom from the prison of my life.

Latest Entry

Tattoos and kids

February 13, 2024
Instead of working at my PhD thesis - and I really ought to - I am surfing the web for tattoo ideas. Annie is not at work today, but she met a dear friend to correct a paper she has to resign next week; this evening, she is meeting her best friend, so that I…
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Recent Entries

  • What about life?
    February 10, 2024
    Yesterday I had a meaningful conversation with Annie. She is a nurse, working in a retirement home and dealing every day with elderly people, some of them affected by dementia. Annie is 40, and she said to me that if she envisions that she still has about 40 years to live (estimating a life span&...
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  • Anxiety kicking
    February 9, 2024
    Everything seems to go well in my life at the moment. I mean, I found a wonderful partner whom I will marry soon, I have a contract as a PhD student with my University, I have enough money to plan restructuring the house, plus I am self-harm-free since 230 days. That is a record. I…
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  • Asset 5
    Back after a long while
    February 6, 2024
    It's been a long, long while. My last entry dates 2019. Many things have changed. Both my parents passed away. My father died in 2022, at the age of 99. He has lived a full, happy life, until the end. My mother followed him one year after, in March 2023, after a pneumonia. My life…
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  • It is never too late to change one’s mind
    June 17, 2019
    Well, after such a long pause, I need to put some order in my thoughts. I have been working very much, having 3 jobs and writing my Master thesis. Plus taking care of my cantankerous old parents who are never happy, and always complaining about whatever because I am the worst things that ever hap...
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  • My first true friend
    April 20, 2019
    Today I was thinking about a friend I have not hear about in ages, Boris. He was my first real friend. We met in hospital, and basically all my friends apart from Athena and her family members are hospital acquaintances. My University fellows are recent acquaintances, and they are sort of true fr...
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  • Memories of a long time ago
    April 19, 2019
    I was sitting here, writing my thesis, getting tired and sleepy, then I found some pictures of Simone, my first lesbian lover. Yes. I always think that I lost my virginity the first time I slept with a man, but that was just a horrible experience. I lost my virginity to beautiful Simone, one year...
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  • Sleep deprivation
    April 19, 2019
    I am sitting here, at work, it is lunch break. I am alone today, nobody else here. In the last couple of days I have been feeling utterly tired. Just as if I could not focus on my work, on my tasks, on my chores; the only thing I enjoyed was sleeping. I am working…
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  • Acceptance
    April 15, 2019
    I am still at work, but I have finished for today. I still need to guarantee my presence for half an hour, so here I am. Sometimes I fear that once my mother will be dead, I will be dead too. Despite the fact that she does not really love me, not in the real…
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  • Moral and immoral
    April 13, 2019
    Just my daily report. I have been working again on my thesis until now. Today there was a meeting at the archive, it was nice and I saw many people I did not know: politicians, our president, our vice-president, and my coordinator, Andy. I was thinking about him before. He is married with the sis...
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