We are sorry to interrupt your scheduled programme; please standby.

I'm trying to regrain some stability in my life and I'm hoping this will help again.

I am a perfectly imperfect sentient ball of stardust.

One tiny victory is all I need.

Latest Entry

Entry 802: Patience

January 4, 2022
How I long for the ease of knowledge.  I have waited so long to know things and I'm still waiting. I am not a patient person, it seems.  I didn't get the job. I'm not sure I have anyone to talk to about anything. And even if I did, I'm not sure what I would…
Continue Reading...

Recent Entries

  • Entry 801: Safe Places
    November 30, 2021
    Once again, this has become a sort of safe place to just be. I have a tiktok that's gained followers after talking about being trans and getting told no about adoption because trauma.  But until recently, until rereading my entries, I didn't think there was trauma. I'm still not sure what the tra...
    Continue Reading...
  • Entry 800: Seasons Change
    November 29, 2021
    My depression, The Big SadsTM has been bad for ... a few months now. I wasn't able to put a finger on what it was until yesterday when my wife said that she thinks my superpower is making a joke out of depression so much so people don't realise it's about depression. And honestly, okay. I've…
    Continue Reading...
  • Entry 799: A Chill In My Bones
    November 12, 2021
    There is a chill in my bones that I can't quite seem to shake. My intrusive thoughts are taking up more space in my head than they should. No longer whispers of smoke or trees zipping by like I'm riding a train. No, these are more brick walls in front of my eyes with no…
    Continue Reading...
  • Entry 798:
    November 4, 2021
    I've been having a lot in intrusive thoughts recently. I have not followed the instructions of one. I have not wanted to. But I have been having them. Most have been "aaaaand step" as I'm waiting at a pedestrian crossing and a car goes passed. Or ones to that effect. I've been doing more each&hel...
    Continue Reading...
  • Entry 797: Seen & Heard.
    October 13, 2021
    I need to remember these words. I am seen. I am heard. I am valid. Its easy to forget those three statements especially when you don't feel heard or seen, which in turn does not make you feel valid at all.  My experiences lead people to come to me for advice. I can only do…
    Continue Reading...
  • Entry 796:
    October 7, 2021
    I'm tired. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. I'm just so tired. I'm full of cold so that doesn't help. I've not slept well in... years. I have suffered with insomnia since at least 14/15. I needed help then, not to be ignored and given ultimatums. I have been the doctors. I have had medication, ...
    Continue Reading...
  • Entry 795: A Forest Of Trees
    October 7, 2021
    The lumberjack won't remember every tree it cuts down, but that doesn't mean the tree didn't die.  I realise now, why, when I asked my parents about any trauma in my past, they laughed and said there was none.  It is because they do not remember every tree they cut down.  They are the lumberjack,...
    Continue Reading...
  • Entry 794: A Bad Day
    October 6, 2021
    In all honesty, it hasn't been a bad day. Not really. I mean, okay, I've had worse.  I mean to say, I'm not allowed to have a bad day if my wife is having a bad day because her day is worse. I'm not allowed to have a bad day if my wife is having…
    Continue Reading...
  • Entry 793: Parent Complaints
    October 5, 2021
    I've written about my dad before. Not much, not often, but I have written about him before. He was not a nice man when I was growing up. I have no scars on my body from him, but he was not a nice man.  I'm worried that I will be like him when I have…
    Continue Reading...

Search Entries

  • Use dropdowns or search terms above to find entries.