Recent Entries

• Please, let me be

  January 23, 2010

  Oh God please help me. I can't keep living like this. I can't stop it. I have absolutely no control over it. It consumes every waking second of my life, and it's getting worse and worse. There are only very limited things that can stop me from thinking about it. On occasion I can think…

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• I am back – has anything changed?

  December 19, 2009

  Hello to anyone who remembers me and comes back for a visit. So I had a quick skim over my last entry to see when that was and work out what has happened since. Obviously since that was nearly a year ago, a LOT has happaned since, and obviously I can go into details or it'll take…

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• Pretend the long gap in entries doesn’t exist

  January 25, 2009

  wow, it has all gone topsy turvy. This weekend was meant to be super-good. We'd made plans which is something we never do, we were both approaching it as a big exciting thing, it was going to be a big "i've finished 12 days in a row in a job i detest" celebration. And it…

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• World without end

  August 30, 2008

  "For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it." I think maybe there is something in it. I think maybe i do need help. It can't be meant to be like this. I am being told that i really need professional…

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• Utter lack of hope

  August 16, 2008

  You know what is worrying me. I often get down. It's not that rare for me to wish in a very dramatic way that feels completely real at the time that i was dead. But it normally lasts one evening at most. It's been a few days now, and i would still rather like to…

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• And no-one ever said thank you

  August 12, 2008

  I have finished my run of nights. They were pretty horrific really. The first night was apparently the busiest night the hospital has had in over 6 years now, and it was manic. When the shift started, there were 10 patients already waiting to be seen. It takes around an hour to see a patient…

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• My loss of ability to sleep or eat

  July 28, 2008

  I have become officially useless at writing and i'm not even really in the mood for it right now, so i expect this will be brief. I have finally graduated for the last time 6 years after starting. I have left Oxford. i am currently staying with my parents in Northumberland for a couple of…

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• Paradise

  June 3, 2008

  I am back. I hope y'all missed me. It was so amazing you could not imagine. Think of the best thing that has ever happened to you, multiply it by a million and you're not even close. I am SO sad to be back. I loved every little thing about it. It would be crazy…

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• St Kitts

  April 5, 2008

  Time to get jealous. At an obscene hour tomorrow morning, I shall be leaving for St Kitts, for my 8 week 'elective', aka holiday with a bit of mooching around a hospital during the parts of the day when it's too hot to be outside anyway. I am a whole bag of emotions. Scared (visa…

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