Chapter 5 : Time To Heal

So...   I feel like I've FINALLY had a breakthrough.   I feel like the black cloud is finally starting to lift a bit, now that I've accepted that it's ok to be angry about what happened, I feel somehow lighter. I know that the cloud could burst at any moment and rain down on…

So...   I've struggled with how I feel about myself and how others feel about me my entire life. I already had trouble with thinking of myself as being worthy of love because of how I was brought up, I wasn't really made anything of, passed from pillar to post as a child. I spent…

So...   Values, we all have them. Some have more than others, others profess to have more than some. Then there’s those who claim to have values they don’t actually possess. Me? I know the values I have. Intrinsically I’m a good person, I’m not always a nice person though because the  value ...

So... Sometimes it’s just bigger than you, stronger than you can be, today is one of those days. Rita’s right, not every day is a bad day. Wednesday - Friday I was in a fairly good place, but today I’m not, today is not a good day. Today I’m crashing hard. Today is hard. I…

I don't know what I would do if I saw him again. I know it's a possibility, a remote one, but nothing's impossible. All it would take is him being deployed, and he could wind up here, and with my luck I'd bump in to him. Would I say anything? Would I be able? Would…

So...   Dr S was right, it is worse. I’m now halfway through the weaning stage with Prozac. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn, goodbye to my little yellow and green friend. The past fortnight has been fairly horrific on 40mg, the next fortnight I  drop down again to 20mg before having to go ...

I remember it very clearly, like it was this morning and not six years ago. I still have nightmares, flashbacks strike throughout the day. The memories never go away and the feelings are still there, still raw. I re-live the whole ordeal every day. It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up,&...

I used to believe that life was generally a bit shit, but ultimately that what went around came around but then it happened, then it happened again, and now I believe that life is very actually shit. There’s very little in the way of retribution, you just get the hand your dealt and you have…

It’s half past seven on a Saturday morning. For once I wasn’t woken by the flashbacks and trauma. No, turns out that a 12 shift in a cohort room on the Gastro Ward was enough to push me from “Fucking Knackered” to “Actually Exhausted”. I fell into bed at 9pm last night and slept until…

So... Apparently we relaunch tomorrow. This entry serves to lay out the way MY diary works and to reintroduce myself. If you know me, come back in a couple of days and there’ll probably be something new for you to read.   If you don’t know me, or my diary, hang on in there and…