Yesterday I had to take my dog Heidi to the vet to be put to sleep. We’ve had her since she was a puppy – she was 14. She has had a couple of medical issues with her kidneys/bladder and arthritis. The night before she had suddenly lost the use of her back legs and she looked so miserable. She was up all night whining. I knew. It was time. I just had to put her out of her misery. When they gave her the first sedative injection and she fell asleep, I felt so relieved. She looked so peaceful at last.
Today my grief ebbed off and on. I had to clean the floor and rugs in our master bathroom where she often napped and slept at night to be near us while we slept. I think regret must be one of the stages. How could I have made her life better? This is the same thing I felt after my parents passed away. Losing a loved one makes me want to love the ones I still have even more.
I am focusing on all the good years we had together and her happy times – running and jumping in the snow, chasing the toys we threw, always nearby.
I watched this Ocean Reality video this morning, the music is so comforting. It made me think that now is the time to embrace the living. Life is going on all around us, even in the deep sea.