Embrace Life
Yesterday I had to take my dog Heidi to the vet to be put to sleep. We’ve had her since she was a puppy – she was 14. She has had a couple of medical issues with her kidneys/bladder and arthritis. The night before she had suddenly lost the use of her back legs and she looked so miserable. She was up all night whining. I knew. It was time. I just had to put her out of her misery. When they gave her the first sedative injection and she fell asleep, I felt so relieved. She looked so peaceful at last.
Today my grief ebbed off and on. I had to clean the floor and rugs in our master bathroom where she often napped and slept at night to be near us while we slept. I think regret must be one of the stages. How could I have made her life better? This is the same thing I felt after my parents passed away. Losing a loved one makes me want to love the ones I still have even more.
I am focusing on all the good years we had together and her happy times – running and jumping in the snow, chasing the toys we threw, always nearby.
I watched this Ocean Reality video this morning, the music is so comforting. It made me think that now is the time to embrace the living. Life is going on all around us, even in the deep sea.
These losses are always so hard. You know you’re doing the right thing, but still the what if’s and maybe I should haves crowd your thinking, making the grief even worse. I’m so sorry you’ve lost your beautiful friend.
@wren Thank you. I’ve always wondered about how much animals know.
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I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl.
@chalandra thank you. I do miss her.
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Oh gosh, so sorry. HUGS. We’re walking hand-in-hand right now; my best friend of 17.5 years left a tad over a month ago, all too suddenly. Contrary to you, the happy memories are like deep cuts, and I appear not to be able to love my one remaining little guy more – I suppose it’s a self-defense mechanism. But I feel you. Truly unconditional love like animals give is the hardest thing to let go of. It hits like a ton of bricks. Regret will always be there to those of us who are able to feel these beings are more than just a pretty commodity to have at home, because you always want to know what ELSE you could’ve done to take the pain away without having to have them close their eyes forever. But they KNOW, they know much more than we give them credit for, and if there is ONE thing that keeps me from jumping on the railroad tracks, is that I know that Ja KNEW he was madly loved. So did Heidi.
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I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. I’m not looking forward to when the time comes for me to put my dog down.
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