I realized I never updated. It wasn’t something I wanted to say.

My favorite cat died. He had something wrong with him in his stomach. But I feel like…if I didn’t have kids, maybe I would’ve caught it sooner. I tried taking him in like twice and they never caught it here.

Jasper, I don’t feel like I helped you enough and I am sorry.

I just wonder how much a person can take.

I re-read my diary from the time I started hanging out with Dustin.

I said he was difficult. Maybe not so great a decision making. My life is up in the air. I feel like I don’t have control and also have too much control.

I am not who I was a few years ago. I don’t know who I am. I am someone who takes care of two kids. I am a terrible pet owner who doesn’t see when their pet is dying. And I see it when it’s too late to save him.

I don’t know, but no one told me 35 was going to make me feel like 18 where I literally knew nothing and couldn’t figure out what to do in my life.

I hope I can one day look back on this time and see it was worth I’ll I’ve experienced.

Things are not good. 

Log in to write a note
October 21, 2021

You’re not a terrible pet owner. If you had known what was happening, your cat would have been at the vet. Forgive yourself.

I recently lost my cat. He was my very best friend. He was an indoor cat for the first year and a half I had him and then last February my boyfriend and I got a house with a dog door. Against my better judgment I let him start going in the yard. For months he stayed in the backyard but then started exploring. He went missing at the beginning of August and I get so mad at myself for letting him explore outside. My heart aches for him every day.

Sending positive thoughts! I feel the same way as you do about not knowing anything in my 30s. One day at a time tho, Professor!

October 24, 2021

😥 OMG I’m soooo sorry to hear about gorgeous Jasper. I love cats and it’s absolutely always heart wrecking when they pass over the Rainbow Bridge but he’s at peace now and out of pain etc.

He went knowing he had a brilliant mum who loved him muchly. X

October 25, 2021

Life has its ups and downs. I’m sorry you are struggling. Things will get better.