Tuesday morning, 7th April 2015
For a change, Emanoel has decided to send me a message in the style of a letter, to show how much he appreciates us staying in contact.
It’s very amusing to see how much he’s opened up to me as friend since departing home, and has emotionally grown at a fine pace under the circumstances.
This is what he said, at 4:54a.m., my time:
“So, yes. It has been a long time that I haven’t properly chatted with you and some of my other Sligo friends.
As I told you a few days ago, harsh moments are ahead.
What I mean about those moments could be everything, and I wasn’t expecting to feel down, depressed, or unhappy with my life.
It isn’t that easy being back home.
I find it important to detach, to remind myself of the thousand other happy moments that are happening, or has happened, since I got back.
The problem, I feel, is more around my expectation of life here; what I was planning to happen just didn’t result as happily as expected, and maybe positive things have changed in a different way I hadn’t recognized.
I don’t know, but I guess that’s life!
Life is always bringing us through a constant process of change; started from many actions, friends, habits, places, working, expectations, sudden plans…everything.
Absolutely all things change.
As you can see, I’m not writing anything related to you or our last messages.
It’s selfish (I know it), and I’m just going on about what we had, what I had in life, and what we will both have in the future.
I don’t have any idea how my future is going to turn out, but I’m certain that I’ll be different from the person I am today.
Do you know how?
Because I’ll make sure that it’ll be different.
Of course, I’ll have days where I’ll get sad and down, and maybe I’ll often have doubt in my goals or objectives, but just because it’s the easiest way to finish it doesn’t mean I should give up on reaching my goal to the best of my ability.
So, I think to myself, let’s live day by day, and see what happens.
It’s possible, isn’t it?
I was telling you recently about my life back in Brazil.
If you want me to describe how I’m feeling right now I could say that I’m scared, frustrated, and thinking as though I were depressed.
At the same time I ask myself: ‘How do you identify yourself with depression?’
My answer to that is I don’t know the answer.
I guess I’m once again seeking an excuse for my problems!
I might seem crazy in saying this, but that is my feeling…
Yesterday morning, I was thinking ‘Why are you so scared to talk with people about how you really feel?
Why not just lead your life the way you actually want?’
The fact is life gets harder all the time in ways we don’t expect and can seem hopeless.
Yet we continue to drive on, to desire and dream… We cry out!
Sometimes it’s about our need for happiness; sometimes it’s about searching an explanation for sadness…
I could go even deeper and admit that I don’t know at which stage I’m currently at right now…
I’m waking up from a dream, a dream I wanted to be my reality – and an experience to share…
I philosophize a lot more lately since I’ve returned home, and by philosophizing I can see that I’m waking up from this self-pity.
We are human; it’s in us to think tremendously and reconsider our first thought about ourselves, correct our expectations and phases of frustration, by doing instead of thinking alone.
A few moments ago I was watching a speech on TED.
TED is a global set of conferences run by the private, non-profit Sapling Foundation.
I watched a video which made me write this very message here.
I can highly recommend that it was an inspiration!
I’ve decided to try again in life.
Even if it’s only sudden that I’m waking up from over two months of dreaming; to be without a lot of expectation, and I’m going to try and touch the souls of the many people I really care about – and that includes you, Jay.
I don’t really know how to achieve this at best, but it’s my goal at the moment.
At the same time, I expect to capture what I really want in this life.
Since I’ve got back, I find myself wondering if I’m doing what I really enjoy.
If I find myself on the right track, I’ll try and push my soul out towards my friends, family, neighbours, and even strangers that don’t yet know me!
‘How do you expect to do it?’
Here is my answer: I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll make sure to get there even if it takes time to reach it.
Anyway, I’ve talked enough.
It’s time for me to sleep in Brazil as it’s almost 1a.m. here, and I need to start actually making stuff happen, haha. 😊
I’m sorry if I’ve wasted your time by reading this, and I do hope you can understand it and that my English is correct.
We’ll see each other again, I’m sure of it.
My thoughts are with you, and I’m hoping you’ll have a great day tomorrow.
Sorry if I said anything in error.
Take care Jay.”
There were a few grammatical errors in Emanoel’s sentence structures, but I’ve corrected them here in pen.
He appreciates me writing this down and feels honoured to be part of my own process in life as well!
My first reply wasn’t as interesting as his personal awakening, but it was more straightforward in reassuring him that I got the message loud and clear.
I said: “I understand everything you’ve said and I can tell you really poured your heart out, in making sure that every vision was understood.
It all makes me cry happy tears for you.
You are so sweet; the same sensitive gent we all knew in Sligo – who is now back home trying to make his own place in the world.
God bless you brother, and always remember that wherever you go, all the memories and experiences you’ve had will always help in teaching you very much…
The challenge is to use them for good upon our culture and friends to come.
As my favourite quote reads from Dr. Seuss: ‘Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it’s happened!’
I will reply again more in-depth, but now you rest buddy.
Focus more on all the victories, and my advice is often go on nature walks and be by yourself where you can be amongst the beauty of natural life; treat yourself outdoors where you can be alone with Spirit, God or whatever you recognize to bring enlightenment, by offering inward the freedom to allow for true happiness and discovery…
There is much change ahead, and I know yours holds a destiny which will inspire many from that big heart of yours!
I believe you can achieve great things Emanoel, and all it takes is for you to simply process that positive belief.
What makes me so proud of you is that you’re already succeeding so much, so much you probably don’t even recognize as feats in your day, and will continue to achieve in your life to come.
By you facing life’s new challenges with that gorgeous smile, and welcoming the unknown with that openness of heart, you’re changing many lives for the better.
That is revealing through the human conscience how wonderful life can be when we give each other the chance to start anew – and allowing for the unexpected to bring what it must in its right time! 😊
From your dear Irish friend,
I’ll write more soon.