Well, here goes. For three days I’ve been wondering where to start. Perfectionist syndrome. Screw it. I just need to start getting stuff out. So here it goes, just bloody well start writing.

I want to keep a journal to track my progress with micro dosing. I’m going to try two medicines. Psilocybin and ayahuasca. Very small doses that are supposed to be imperceptible, but profoundly healing if I “do the work”. Setting intentions, acknowledging the feelings that come up, integrating those feelings, etc. I am cautiously hopeful after reading countless success stories that these plant medicines may help ease the depression I’ve been saddled with for the past 20 years.

I have tried countless medications, counsellors, energy healings, you name it, in hopes to find my way out of the darkness. Some days are better than others, some months are better than others, some years are better than others. But it’s always there. One thing I can say for certain is that medications, for me at least, do not make me feel better, they just make it more tolerable to feel sad. That is not living. I pray that I will find something to lift the heaviness, clear the cobwebs, and allow me to find my way out. 🙏

For now I wait on the delivery. I expect psilocybin will arrive today or tomorrow. I am a little nervous to start, but I think that’s because I’m afraid it won’t help. After all, nothing else has. So I’m trying hard to set the fear aside and begin with a hopeful and positive mindset.


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September 1, 2021

Good idea to write about things. Very helpful. I recently saved then deleted a year of my diary here and got a new account. I went through the diary/journal and saw what progress I had made. We make progress if we want to. I have seen some on here sit and spin their wheels for months not moving forward lying to themselves (it seems). Good going!

September 1, 2021

@scaht Thank you Scott! I do hope to look back at these entries in the future, hopefully not so distant, and see progress like you have done. If I were to have started a journal like this years ago I would be enjoying that very thing right now. I know I’ve come a long way, and I know I can go much further. After all, life is about growth and change and progress. But it’s also about JOY and that is the part I must work on now.
Thank you for taking the time to write and offer some encouragement. Really appreciate that 😊