Well, here goes. For three days I’ve been wondering where to start. Perfectionist syndrome. Screw it. I just need to start getting stuff out. So here it goes, just bloody well start writing.
I want to keep a journal to track my progress with micro dosing. I’m going to try two medicines. Psilocybin and ayahuasca. Very small doses that are supposed to be imperceptible, but profoundly healing if I “do the work”. Setting intentions, acknowledging the feelings that come up, integrating those feelings, etc. I am cautiously hopeful after reading countless success stories that these plant medicines may help ease the depression I’ve been saddled with for the past 20 years.
I have tried countless medications, counsellors, energy healings, you name it, in hopes to find my way out of the darkness. Some days are better than others, some months are better than others, some years are better than others. But it’s always there. One thing I can say for certain is that medications, for me at least, do not make me feel better, they just make it more tolerable to feel sad. That is not living. I pray that I will find something to lift the heaviness, clear the cobwebs, and allow me to find my way out. 🙏
For now I wait on the delivery. I expect psilocybin will arrive today or tomorrow. I am a little nervous to start, but I think that’s because I’m afraid it won’t help. After all, nothing else has. So I’m trying hard to set the fear aside and begin with a hopeful and positive mindset.