When I said I do, I didn’t mean that I would do everything…
As the mother and wife in this house there will never be a Birthday party that I didn’t plan and execute. There will never be a Birthday party that I ever truly get to celebrate as I’m too busy ensuring everyone else’s happiness. There will never be a family vacation or weekend trip that I didn’t spend hours scheduling, packing or planning. There will never be a grocery trip that I didn’t write a list for or a Christmas list that I didn’t double check. There will never be a backpack that I didn’t need to go through or a lunch box that I don’t need to clean. There will never be a time where I wasn’t concerned for someone else.
I didn’t have parents that cared for me as a child, I raised myself and the moment that I was old enough I started raising my own children. I am not complaining about my kids, they are my life. My issue is that my kids have two parents, but only one thinks the above things are worth doing. That on top of the envy I feel because they have someone that kisses their boo-boo’s, helps them with homework and makes them feel wanted. I was a burden as a child and now that I am grown and married, I feel like a burden as a wife. I’m tired of expressing my frustration and being told “well if you tell me to do A, B, or C I’ll do it”. Yeah, and then you will tell me I’m nagging you. I refuse to mother someone I didn’t birth. No one has ever had to ask me to make dinner, wash cloths or buy them a gift. I do those things because I have eyes and I can see that they need to be done, but mainly it’s because if I don’t do it no one will.
I work full time, commute 12-15 hours a week, maintain a family and a marriage all by my self. What happens when I’m not here to do all of those things? Will he suddenly realize what needs to be done or will he ask another woman for a list?
I saw a video on TikTok about this. It’s the frustration of having to ask him to do something rather than him seeing what needs to be done and doing it. He isn’t contributing his 50%. He is treating you like his manager and not his wife. Have you decided how you will tackle the issue?
As a man, I can say that things become more clear with distance.
Do you enjoy the work you are doing?
Both inside and outside the house?
And if you don’t, is there a way to shift to work you do enjoy?
I am not trying to be opinionated, but I have many friends who are married and your predicament seems common (I was married in a live-in relationship for about 12 years).
Thank you for sharing and reading.
– Chris Rice