In the dark..

Its a shit life.. just sometimes

28. 28 years young and literally shitting myself. Life is a rollercoaster. You know when you want to shout? Scream? Cry? Lash out.. thats how I feel.

I have some good friends but they dont need my shit.. so here I am literally airing one of the rockiest times of my life. The last 3 weeks and im literally.. shitting myself

I had a smear.. which came back high grade severe dyskarios – severe cell changes. I was given an appointment with colposcopy at the local hospital, they discussed treatment that day.. but unknown to me they decided to do biopsies – for their own reasons.

Well today I got a letter from the hospital – no fucking results, just another appt in 7 days. Im going insane you know? 28 and worrying how my daughter would be without me? What will happen to my mom? Etc.. how can that even be normal to be thinking so seriously.. yet im faced with a cervical cancer scare. Shitty really.

Im new to here.. but for the first time in my life ive needed to talk and there are friends as mentioned.. but I found you.. and maybe in some way its easier airing how I feel on here instead of to somebody I know.

So yes a shit day.. I guess its the unknown really. The feeling of being numb and confused and scared.

And feeling really lonely.

Because lets face it.. we have people who care.. but its not them going through it..


Love, always


C x

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November 20, 2018

Do you think you can talk with your doctor?  The unknown is the worst.  What does the hospital need to see you for in 7 days.  Did they say?  Another procedure?  Do you know?  I’m so sorry you are going through this.  I just went through something similar but I am 60 years old.

November 21, 2018


Hi kerry ❤

Sorry you went through something similar.

The letter doesnt state anything apart from another appt at colposcopy.

The day before I received the letter the nurse who done my smear called me, asked how I was and if I needed anything she was there. I found that strange, almost like she knew something. However I called her back yesterday and she said she didnt know my results but to re call colposcopy and ask. I did.. and they wont disclose anything over the phone.

I hope everything is okay with you Xx

November 26, 2018

I’ve had some mortifying “sharting” experiences before, but, as far as I know, there was nothing cancerous about them. Thus reading this entry has really put things into perspective for me. Can one really complain about a few brown-stained pairs of underwear when one still has their health?

November 26, 2018



Crazy really isnt it.. the way we take so many things in life for granted.. health being one of them.

Im glad everything turned out okay for you! Xx

November 26, 2018

I’m so sorry about your cervical cancer scare. I hope that its just a scare.

November 26, 2018


Thank you!

Its much appreciated, Im really grateful xx