Depressed.

I’m feeling really down today.  Probably the most depressed I’ve felt in a long time.  I just woke up feeling that way.  I feel like I don’t have an energy either.  It feels like nobody really gives a shit about me.  Some people have showed me that it’s really easy to not think about me.  It’s really easy to walk away from me and not give a second thought to it.  It’s easy to accept that I don’t have a part in their life anymore and they just really don’t care.  Why do I care about people so much more than they care about me?  How do I get attached to people so easily and they couldn’t care less if I’m alive or dead?  What is wrong with me?  How do I fix it?  I very rarely even get notes on here and everyone else gets a bunch.  I don’t understand anything.  I just feel like crying.  I feel like if I died no one would really give a shit.  They’d just be like, “Huh.  Oh well…”  That’s what it feels like.  I just want to cry and lay in bed all day, but I can’t.  I have to work.  And I really don’t want to be around people today.  The same way most people don’t want to be around me it seems.  And I keep asking myself why… the people that do want me, turn out to be horrible narcissists or abusers.  That says something about me… that normal, loving people can never love me.