Is it wrong?

Things sure have gotten real tough.  And I know I could make things a lil easier, this would entail me dipping into my savings or asking my dad for financial help, but I am wanting to suck this up and just deal with it.

Petrol is real low.

There isn’t much to eat.

Can’t really go out as have no cash.

So chilling in bed watching Netflix, while the sun is shining outside and people are shouting and cars are driving by….and I am cool with it.

I had a plan for this weekend. Even though money was low,  figured my husband and I could enjoy life outdoors, we could play uno or monopoly and just be childish. But I kinda changed my mind on that.

My husband was going to get a loan to see us past until pay…but he didn’t act fast enough and banks are now closed…well he did go to the bank this morning but apparently their system isn’t working or something….so he has to call them on Monday.  He figured that I would just get up and solve everything….I would get out of bed and fix things…. use vouchers or account to buy extra food and we could be chilled and having some kind of fun.

But I decided to just chill and let it be. Normally I would be panicking and figuring out what to do. But since I am the one to always fix things and keep out heads above water, particularly at times like these, I figured that today I would just let him stew and solve things.

I think I would like him to see how I make sure we can still live and how much life would suck without me and I guess I also hope that he wakes up and realizes he needs to play his part too.

I mean it does suck how shitty the wkend is now but I am actually cool with doing nothing today.

It is funny how I kinda control it all. He wanted to watch Showmax which is like South African Netflix, but he needed me to figure out what devices were connected so he could watch, he had to ask me for the computer password…

As much as I love to control things, it does suck to think how much I do and how much he kinda relies on me for. I mean I know he isn’t using me…

Later is the rugby, so I plan on getting up and preparing supper so we can have some fun.

Hope he does realize how without me not much happens…okay it is wrong to think like that.

This week we have been talking about a budget, I showed him what I have come up for myself and he can see how alot of it involves him too….I have told him that I want to see what he wants and we can figure it out…but he has taking his time and faffed. Yesterday he tells me that he has his own plan and will put it into action next year….so kinda feeling left out.

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November 20, 2021

I commend you for trying to keep it going, for taking the lead and planning and all. I think you’re right to force him to get involved and plan/do, too. It’s not supposed to all be just you in a marriage. Speaking from one who is in a similar position in that regard, it sucks.

The best marital advice my grandma gave me – because she gave me plenty in the 12 short years of my life when I had her – was to always have my own things. Have the marital/community stuff, but put aside for yourself. Get your own savings and squirrel money away. It’s not like you’re hiding millions, unless you’ve got millions to hide, but it’s always better to be safe and make sure that you don’t have to go without. My grandpa gambled. She learned out of necessity to be that way. I think the same necessity can stem from alcoholism and/or sheer laziness (like my husband).

November 21, 2021

@caria – your Grandmother was a smart lady.  Many people, ie my sisters, have given me the same advice. Sucks that I have to think like that. Guess it is wishful thinking, that my husband would always keep me safe.

Well I know he does what he can, and he does try but I just wish he could and would do more.

November 21, 2021

@ncumisa I wish he would for you, too.

November 22, 2021

@caria 😘