ME?? Too old???

So, as I languish in dating app Hell, I “liked” a rather cute 39yr old lady. She was, according to her profile, rather short, had strikingly dark eyes(my weakness) and dark hair(yet another weakness). Reading through what she wrote, she was widowed and had a couple children. No issues what so ever for me. I crafted, what I thought was, a beautiful introduction message. I complimented her looks, without being weird or creepy. I acknowledged how it must have been hard being widowed and how strong she is getting through it. I told her I had no issues with her having children. I closed it with, “I would like to get to know more about you, if you would like to, over coffee, dinner, or even chatting on the app.” 

Well, I got an answer: “That was very sweet, thank you, but I am not interested.” 

I have to say that after close to a year that I have bumbled around on these sites and apps, I never got a reply from someone I wanted to meet, until now. Yet here it sat, “not interested”

First thought, I’m ugly, no one will ever want me and that’s why my ex left me. I’m an ugly person inside and out. Second thought, I poured over my profile, the best pics, my intro wasn’t desperate or creepy. I don’t smoke, anymore, and have lost enough weight to fit into the “average” column. Why? So, I asked…

“You’re too old and have kids. I don’t want kids and I have some.”

Is 10 years older, old? Are kids, that already have a Mother and are essentially aged out of the needy point, a problem? HUH?

That was all I got from her. Immediately, my bruised and piecemeal ego went to the stupid logistical part of my brain and heart combination. My 37yr old ex-wife left me for a 58yr old schulb, who also had older children, an ex, and was just, ugh… I mean left “head over heals” for gramps. Maybe it’s the typical male thing to think one’s self looks better than another guy or think of themselves as better, IDK.

All, I know is, it is just one more nail in the coffin for my self confidence. It doesn’t matter how I know I can treat someone or how I would care enough to jump in front of a truck for someone I care about. Like most ugly, old, and bald men, I find myself “fantasizing” about a certain person being with me and you see it in real life. The “hit with the ugly stick” guy with a really beautiful girl. I am not a firm believer in the “confidence” thing. There’s no way Chunk from the Goonies is going to be with Cindy Crawford because he’s funny and has tons of confidence. Really?

There is someone I met through Open Diary. Now, I admit that we have only occasionally commented on each’s entries, but we are essentially both single. I would move Heaven and Earth if she would just notice me and take an interest, but I’m realistic. I’m old and ugly and she is truly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. There would be nothing stopping me from moving to where she lives to get to know her, but I am sure she hears hundreds of “me” types saying the same thing to her, some even very creepy and weird. Unfortunately, because of the creepy weird one’s, guys like me will unwillingly be put in to same group as them.

Things like that just happen to people like me now. I’m too old.

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2 weeks ago

When I was back on a dating site 3 years ago, I had to select the parameters for age range.  I hadn’t thought about it in awhile.  I have dated guys my age, some older, some a lot older.  Because of this, I chose 5 years older as my max.  But at the same time, age can and is often a state-of-mind and is subjective not only to you, but to her.  So, having said that, JJ and I are both pretty “young.”  Meaning, we are playful, young at heart, we even act silly-stupid often.  We are the same age by 10 days diff.  The oldest I dated was around 12 years older?  It depends on the person, some women enjoy an older man, some don’t.  Try not to get discouraged by just one person’s opinion.

HOWEVER, having said all of that, online dating sites are BRUTAL.  They beat you down.  They are the WORST for your self-esteem.  It’s the “next” mentality.  But, don’t also ask me where to meet people because I don’t have a clue.  I always looked for the single guys at the grocery store, not sure why, I’d never have the nerve to approach someone.

2 weeks ago

@strawberryjelly Well I am defiantly not a typical 50yr old, that’s for sure. Who knows, maybe that’s why the ex left.. Yet, I am far from acting immature. I guess it’s the online dating “spoiled grapes” type of thing with me.

2 weeks ago

Rejection always stings. That said, you were lucky she gave you an answer to your question…she didn’t owe you one. I don’t know anything about you, of course, but it’s doubtful looks are your problem given that I’ve seen many beautiful women with “apes.” 😀 I’m not sure I would have started with compliments on her physical appearance. I think that would be a red flag for any woman who’s serious about a relationship. You might try finding areas of commonality to talk about first. Good luck.

2 weeks ago

@solovoice Thanks. I did compliment her looks, but not in the way I wrote my entry with the whole “weakness” stuff. I’m was very subtle. I’ll also take what you said about ape looking men as a compliment. Not the ape part, the doubtful looks not being my problem…Ha ha

2 weeks ago

@newt316 lol…I wasn’t referring to either of us! 😉

2 weeks ago

My ex had a son from a previous marriage.  Knowing what I know now,  I would never date a man who had kids ever again. I ended up involved in his bitter custody dispute with his crazy ex.  Then his son was disrespectful to me often and his father felt so guilty about the divorce that he always babied the kid and never provided discipline.  Because of this,  men who are already fathers are not my thing…. it might not be about you,  but about her own negative experiences from her past.

2 weeks ago

@thecriticsdarling  I understand that, but my boys would never be disrespectful. I was there for a good portion of their lives and I made them into respectful little gentlemen, trust me. Even with how I may still “feel” about the divorce, they don’t and won’t get anything by me. Not how I was raised and not how I’m raising them.

I have also been on the other side of that too. Remember, I’m OLD…LOL  I had the kids from another marriage thing for about 4 years in the 90s and I had my daughter too. Talk about disrespect. It was coming from all sides. So I do see your point.

I guess I’m at a lose lose point…

2 weeks ago

@newt316 oh I know that not all fathers would let their kids be disrespectful,  but I’m pretty wary. If I get burned once,  I don’t play with that same fire again.

2 weeks ago

@thecriticsdarling Are you saying I’m Hot??  Sorry, that last sentence made that joke write itself…

2 weeks ago

@newt316 humor and ability to not take one’s self too seriously are always attractive qualities. 🙂

2 weeks ago

I’m pretty sure I would not do well on a dating app if I were single because I would just get my feelings hurt, I am sure.  I don’t think a ten year difference at our age would matter to me if I were looking for someone.