Better off alone

*sigh* After an amazing vacation I’m back to reality and I must say reality is the least fun place to be half the time.

Captain Douche is an idiot. I have no doubts someone is still feeding him information on my life. As our flights about to leave he texts me for the first time in a month to demand I do his insurance open enrollment or us “leaches” aka the kids & I have no insurance. Ummmm, I don’t care come January 1st. I’ll have my own insurance for myself and the kids. I simply replied with… Please don’t contact me directly. Here’s my attorneys number. This is why we have attorneys. Thanks. My attorney then promptly called. I ignored him and emailed him the nasty text and that I didn’t care and wasn’t doing it. He could figure it out. I have no doubts he wanted to ruin my trip and also has NO idea how to enroll in his insurance himself. Not my problem dude. Go away.

Thankfully once papers were filed we weren’t responsible for the other persons incurring debt. I’m working my ass off to maintain the lifestyle we had together. Yet, he’s spending money like a crazy person. I can still see his credit cards & he’s racked up approximately $8,000 in a month. Seriously. And it isn’t for “starting over” items. But live sex cams, money to other countries, OnlyFans subscriptions, dating sites, Vegas, drugs, the list goes on and on. Seriously, he easily makes triple what I do and is using cash advances on the credit cards. I’m speechless. I can’t help but feel slightly angry or annoyed that I worked so hard over 14 years to fix his credit and he throws it away in months. WTF? It’s appalling. He’s surely high out of his mind. Today my daughter saw him on the interstate. Not knowing it was him. He was allllll over the road. She passed him and he speeds up to pull up and flip her off. Realizes it’s her and speeds off. She said he continued all over the road. Took the next exit. Hit the ditch and managed to get back on the off ramp. She was terrified he’s going to kill someone. I told her next time to simply call the police & report the erratic driving. He’s lost it. Seriously lost it.

But I’ll continue to just worry about myself. And work my ass off until I’ve achieved all my goals. I’ve agreed to resume bartending for my neighbors bar until he finds someone. Only busy shifts. Saturdays for sure and some Fridays. Plus continuing waiting tables 2 – 3 nights a week. And my regular 40 hour a week day job. It’s insane but I can do it. And it’ll be fabulous. Maybe by next summer I’ll be where I want financially. Bills paid off, savings to $10K, pay off student loans & car. All as quickly as possible. Zero child support means I have to work twice as hard. Heck, it may take way longer. Once I get this damn house refinanced I can fully make a game plan & determine what I need to make a month and how many months it’ll take. After a few shifts at the bar I should know what I’ll make on average. I’m anticipating all these shifts together should give me $1,000 or more a month in just tips. I think. I hope. We will see.  I’ve been making $700-$1,000 just at the restaurant so I can’t imagine it’ll be less with both.

And once the world is paid off – New doors. New floors. Vacations. Everything I’ve ever wanted. When I’m exhausted I have the same recording in my head – You will be nothing without me. You can’t afford this house alone. When I leave we all leave. You’ll have to go back to “the hood”.

Jokes on him. I’m going to excel. I’m going to win. I’m going to build the life I’ve always dreamed of. Without him. Without his help. Without his money. And someday. When I’m old and retire in my beautiful house I’ll have myself and only myself to thank. Not him. Not my family. Me.

And he. He will be living his miserable life. Back in debt. Back on heavy drugs. Back to drinking heavily. Back to misery. Back to nothing.

Who…. Who couldn’t do it alone? Who couldn’t do it without the other person? Who would be nothing without who? Not me.