He’s engaged

Why do I care? I don’t know exactly how this site works but I just want to get these thoughts out and maybe someone else has experienced this. I was married to my high school sweetheart for 19 years. He abused me for years but I stayed in some codependency state I suppose looking back on it.

We have two beautiful children and built careers and a home together. Then when he turned 40 he changed, he started going to bars and drinking daily. He worked out of state and was only home one weekend a month. So of course he had an affair with a waitress. Of course he did. I was not without my faults but even after trying to forgive him and doing counseling he kept lying and hiding things so I divorced him. I began dating a younger guy just for fun and to get over him, three years later I am married to that younger guy. He’s not perfect but neither am I and in all honesty he makes me very happy. I love him dearly.

so why does it bother me that my ex is now engaged? I’ve had quite a hard time healing from our divorce although I am in love with someone else. It’s hard to explain. Just grieving the life you thought you had I guess. My ex had tried contacting me here and there over the years since our divorce and has told me he will always think of me as his soul mate. He actually messaged me a week before proposing to his now fiancé and asked if I would ever give him another chance someday. I guess since my answer was “are you crazy?” He decided to propose to her. And it bothers me more than I like to admit. I don’t know why. Not to sound conceited but he downgraded. He has even told me he knows I’m more attractive than her but “looks aren’t everything” I just can’t figure out what I’m feeling and how to get past it. I know I wouldn’t ever truly want him again. I could never trust him and we are completely different people. I don’t feel like I’m jealous of his fiancé. So why? What can I do to make these thoughts pass

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December 8, 2022

I married my high school sweetheart.  It was a disaster.
I met the love of my life when I was in my mid 40s.  We’ve been engaged for a few years because between the two of us, we can’t stay healthy enough to actually get married.  But we’re coming up on 8 years together and we are more certain than ever that we are meant to be.
Still, there was one breakup that really broke my heart.  It ended about 10 years before I met Drew.
I started this diary right around then.  If you go back to the beginning you can read me wallowing in my heart break.  But then there is this entry, where I realize that my life was so much better without him.
We remained friends, good friends, actually.  And then he started seeing someone else.  By then, I was already madly in love with Drew.  But it still hurt me that he had moved on.  It made me angry.  I haven’t really talked to him, since.

I think it’s just natural.  When someone breaks your heart, it’s like a bruise that never gets better.