Why am I not enough?

Dear Diary,

Welcome to sad girl entries. I needed a space to outlet my emotions. Lately, in my “situationship” I have felt worthless, unappreciated, ugly, and just plain stupid. As I sit in my tiny bedroom sipping on my Pinot Grigio and listening to Chris Brown’s “Cry No More” on Youtube, I can’t help but cry. My male partner went on a solo vacation this past weekend. I can’t say exactly where because I am supposed to be an anonymous writer. During his vacation, I noticed that his Instagram following by fifty new female followers. Me being the insecure FBI agent I looked at all fifty of these women’s pages from an anonymous account. Some of these women he was genuinely networking with. The other half was business mixed with pleasure. During my snooping, I learned that he was at several events with a few of these new women of interest. Even spending the entire day with some of them. They were on dates. Eating at upscale restaurants and attending some shows that I can not disclose here. Finding out this information makes me feel like a complete idiot. I have been nothing but submissive, loving, nurturing, and caring to this man. I treat him like a King. Home-cooked meals accompanied by a foot massage, sex, and whatever else he may ask for. But see that’s the problem. He is a single man and I am treating him like he is my HUSBAND.  So is it really him who is fucked up or is it me for being so delusional? How can I expect a man who I am only in a situationship and not a relationship with to be monogamous to me as I am to him? He is a free man to live his life. Right? Am I the cause of all the drama? If I just minded my business I wouldn’t be crying. Right?! I don’t even know anymore. But no. I’m not fucked up because when we are together he treats me like we are together. So it’s his fault for leading me on. But apparently, he leads every woman he meets on. He is just a womanizer and I need to move on. I wish I could do it as easily as I say it. This shit just is way too hard.


P.S. I am a little tipsy so please excuse my grammar 😁

Log in to write a note
July 19, 2022

You are absolutely enough. Doesn’t matter what he is or does–you deserve better. Find someone who doesn’t make you second guess yourself.