#childhood

My main regret from those days what that I did not have the courage to open that door. The blue monster kept its secrets from me forever. But if I had, I would probably have been a bit let down. Instead of a huge blossoming fireball that I would have to leap out of the…

Daylight hours in the basement weren't as bad, although the black hole was an area I still knew to tread carefully. Sometimes curiosity (or boredom) got the better of me and I'd venture in there. What little light came thru the two small basement windows provided enough illumination to disperse a...

How does it affect you? When the most vivid memory of your little days, is when the big, strong man who you should have seen as a protector, you now see as the man who tried to throw your mums life away like it was nothing? Like anger, alcohol, and a few choice words are…

Hey all,   I ready don't even know why I'm here, what to write, but seriously... I hit rock bottom, not addiction or anything, but psychologically , I'm ready messed up!   The fact that I'm being abused psychologically since i was a kid and thank God i was smart enough to realize that f...

This morning as I stumbled into the bathroom, for some reason I was reminded of when I was little and I used to have to squint when I woke up in the middle of the night or the early morning and faced the daylight (or harsh lamplight). Of course, I still have to do that…

😕 For some reason, I keep thinking about someone I dated for a few months, (could be known as a high school sweetheart, however we were long distance and I would see them every weekend thanks to my mom who had a car. We were allowed to sleep in the same bed. Why? I don't…

My childhood home showed up for sale today and it brought up a lot of memories. The house has not been touched since I was a child. It is still gingerbread brown. The layers of mint-ice-cream-green lead paint is still peeling like flakes of white chocolate from the metal back door. The deck that ...

Hi, this is my first ever entry. I had a little freak out today. My mother is planning on moving back with my step-father for what seems to be around the 11th time. Because we are minors, my brother and I must go with her. I feel like my heart is further shattering in a…

Such melodramatic titles. I’m still hiding myself, sorry to repeat. My dark side just came out hard core 3 years ago and nearly fully blotted out everything good in me. And I’ve regained a lot of the good that was lost, but only by — muting parts of myself. It was the self hatred. It…

I don’t know how to speak beauty anymore. I don’t know how to feel my soul anymore, how to express...anything. I feel like a creaky machine, rusty and noisy and broken. I do not know where to start. How to get my words back, my voice back. I have random words. Pain. Ouch. Ah. I…