“Dear Diary”

So I realize that if I am going to take this “author/writer/blogger” seriously that I need to write – daily – if not more. And what’s funny is I spend a lot of time lost in my own thoughts; writing mentally things I want to come here and share. But sometimes the emotions behind the thoughts become overwhelming and its easier to shut them down and push them back into my mind. What’s ironic when I do that is I find myself laying in bed at night forcing myself to remember the direction I want to go, topics I want to share, chapter titles I need to create. It’s a vicious cycle being an overthinker.

I share a lot on the good ole book of faces aka Facebook. Why when I have 87 friends, give or take 3 that daily interact – I’m not sure, you tell me. I also write on Facebook; under the same account. Again – why I don’t know, possibly in hopes that one of my posts will go super viral, I will get a book deal, and someone will take my insane thoughts and put them onto paper. I’ll quickly climb to the top of the New York Times Best Seller list, and I will be set.

This is my introduction to a new chapter – “Dear Diary“; your look into the mundane life that I live. The affair isn’t all that I have to offer this beautiful writing world. I have a messy adoption journey, that I believe created the emotional roller coaster I drive daily. There’s also my past relationships; the harsh reality that I infact do not have a scandalous sex life (maybe I am vanilla as my significant other has proclaimed). But within my past relationship there is domestic violence; again a driving force in the roller coaster I call life. Then there’s autism; a category or demographic I claimed for a couple of years. I have since learned that wasn’t my identify; much like the puzzle piece symbol it was just one piece of my life. But I am a wealth of knowledge, and gatekeeping seems mute. Maybe in sharing my day to day ramblings, I shall obtain followers and a book deal – fuck I don’t know. Much with anything, I winging this by the seat of my pants.

With far warning, a few of these have been stolen from my Facebook, they are past post and not necessarily a legit day to day account, but are very much something I am proud to share, and in my opinion relevant.