Dear Diary XII
FACEBOOK POST
You Don’t Get to Use “I Provide” as a Weapon
If he asked you to stay home…
If he said, “I want you to raise the kids,”
“It’s better if one of us is fully present,”
“Don’t worry—I’ve got us”—
Then no, he doesn’t get to turn around and use that as leverage.
He doesn’t get to say,
“I’m the one who pays the bills,”
“You wouldn’t have anything without me,”
or
“What do you even do all day?”
Because here’s the truth:
You didn’t quit your job.
You switched jobs.
And the one you took on? It runs 24/7, no holidays, no PTO, no paycheck.
You carry the mental load.
You manage the routines, the emotional storms, the appointments, the endless list of things no one else even notices.
You are the one shaping your children’s world with every sleepless night, every gentle answer, every moment of self-sacrifice.
And just because your work doesn’t come with a salary…
doesn’t mean it’s not valuable.
Just because it happens within the walls of your home…
doesn’t mean it’s not holding your entire family together.
So no—he doesn’t get to throw it in your face when things get hard.
He doesn’t get to hold your financial dependence over your head like a threat.
He asked you to stay home.
He agreed to this.
He benefited from it.
Your contribution may not show up on a paycheck,
But it shows up in your children’s stability.
Their confidence.
Their growth.
Their ability to love and trust and feel safe in this world.
That came from you.
So if he thinks being the financial provider gives him the right to belittle you—
That’s not a partnership.
That’s control.
Real partnership says:
“I’ll take care of this, while you take care of that.”
“We are both vital.”
“This only works if we both feel valued.”
Because if he only sees power in money—
Then he’s not a provider.
He’s just holding the receipts of a life you’re both supposed to be building together.
And you, mama?
You are not less than because you stayed home.
You are not a burden.
You are not lucky to be “kept.”
You are holding it all down in ways the world doesn’t always see—but your children do.
And one day, they’ll understand just how much strength it took to raise them with love in a house where respect wasn’t always mutual.
_______________________________________________
Maybe this should be on someone else’s feed…. After all – after raising 4 kids, running a household and a business – I have no rights… and yes, I have been directly told that I have no rights…. It’s a sad 1950s mentality.
⁑ DISCLAIMER ⁑
Remember: you are reading MY “perspective” of given events. These writings are MY feelings; whether they are present tense – written in the moment, past tense – drafted during the day, or anticipated – futuristic. All information provided is what I know from the information I have been given. As with any and every situation there are multiple sides to share the account. It is at the discretion of the reader to which side they favor.