Out of the FOG


A collection of ideas and responses to personality disordered behaviors that have worked well in most cases.

The 3 “C’s” Rule – The 3 “C’s” rule is a mantra for abuse victims that says: “I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it and I can’t control it.”

The 51% Rule – The 51% Rule says that we need to consider our own needs just a little more than those of others in order to be able to help them effectively.

The 50% Rule – The 50% Rule says that we are responsible for 50% of the things that happen in any relationship we share with a person who suffers from a personality disorder.

Boundaries – Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around them and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits.

Clean Up Rule – The Clean Up Rule says that everybody gets to clean up their own messes. It is a principal that encourages us to take responsibility for dealing with our own messes and leave other people to clean up theirs.

Emotional Intelligence – Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize and regulate one’s own emotions and to demonstrate empathy and social skill in dealing with the emotions of others.

Get Support – It’s important to find supportive people who understand personality disorders and who can give you the support you need.

Grey Rock Safe Detachment – Grey or Gray Rock is a method to try for safe detachment from a relationship with someone with a Personality Disorder.

Journaling – Journaling is a technique of writing down whatever thoughts and feelings come to mind on a topic without taking a break, stopping to think or slowing down to correct spelling & punctuation.

Make Good Choices – Although it may seem like an obvious statement to make, it is important to devote our energy to making good choices, which we can control, and spend less energy worrying about circumstances, which we can’t control.

Medium Chill – A technique used to disengage oneself from another person’s drama when direct contact is unavoidable.

My Stuff/Your Stuff – My Stuff/Your Stuff is a thought technique of reminding yourself to separate what is really your responsibility, your concern and under your control and what is a personality-disordered individual’s responsibility, concern and under their control.

No Contact (NC) – Going “No Contact” means cutting off all forms of correspondence, communication and personal contact with a person who suffers from a personality disorder in order to protect yourself from recurring abuse.

Personal Safety – Personal Safety is a list of actions that are designed to keep situations from escalating and to make sure that Physical, Emotional and Verbal abuse is avoided or stopped at the first moment it begins to happen. It contains ideas on when to stop the conversation, when to leave the room and when to call the police.

Put Children First – Put Children First means making decisions based on “what is in the best interests of the children”, regardless of the consequences for the parents and any other parties involved.

Rules of Relationships – Rules of Relationships are a series of ideas for non-personality-disordered individuals to consider when thinking about getting involved in romantic relationships.

Talking To Kids – How to talk to your children about the personality-disordered behaviors of other adults in the family.

Therapy – Once they have learned to protect themselves and emotionally detach from the personality -disordered individuals in their lives, many Non-Personality Disordered Individuals (Non-PD’s) find that they benefit from spending time with a good therapist where they can be encouraged, learn more about themselves and learn ways to work on themselves.

Time Out – A Time-Out is a decision to temporarily disengage from an argument, conversation, interpersonal situation or conflict.

Work on Yourself – Work on Yourself means taking your energy, time and focus off of the personality-disordered individual in your life and restoring a more healthy balance where you spend an appropriate amount of time on improving your own situation, regardless of what the person who suffers from the personality disorder does.

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