Broken, twisted, bleeding numb, stuck here in my head where no one sees.

Latest Entry

I Am

May 19, 2019
I am nothing. I   am a zero. Close your eyes Turn  away from me. Walk away !like every one else I want an exit. A permanent one I am confused I don't belong any where I think I am better of alone So you can't see me So you don't know me So I can…
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Recent Entries

  • There’s no title.
    May 19, 2019
    So. I'm muddling. Move date is 05/24/2019. Am I excited? No. Am I happy about it no. Why you ask? Because I was unable to find something in my price range. And I keep being STUPID. I helped her get A car. I waS supposed to be the cosigner, but the dealership made me the…
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  • Asset 6
    Wandering the halls
    April 13, 2019
    God I hate myself I hate how you left us I hate who you've become since you moved I hope someday you'll forgive me for what you think i did What if I'm godless She's a user Only wants me when there's something in it for her I wish you were the person I thought…
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  • Ok, journaling, part two
    April 13, 2019
    Much has happened. So much that I don't know how to recap it. So I wont. Let's just say....anger...betrayl...loss..abandoned...tears.... Everything I've had it all, mostly the sour and only some of the sweet. There is a ending coming up ahead. Going to try and get back to journaling. I hope it st...
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  • 4 weeks
    February 3, 2019
    I will be no longer doing the paper route in 4 weeks. My life can somewhat go back to normal. I'll have time for my family and friends again. I'll have time for me again. I'll be able to take my meds like normal. Go to my appointments. Time to processes whats been going on.…
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  • Helping Hand
    February 3, 2019
    All I ever wanted, was to be in your life I keep extending my hand, A helping hand, All I ever wanted, was to see you happy, All I ever wanted was for you to look at me that way Yet you can't see me through those sunglasses All you can do is be focused…
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  • Demented rambling s of…
    January 21, 2019
    I want to sip the nectar of your lips like a butterfly eats the dead. I hear your words, but my ears are full of cotton balls. I am your home, breathe me in and exhale your fears. Can you feel me? I am the darkness, I tread still waters so I don't drown I…
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  • Day by day your by hour
    January 4, 2019
    I am coming to grips. I am working my aas off. Trying to remember my meds. Learning g that I can say I don't need a special someone in my as all my relationships and in disaster. I'm even trying/starting to believe it. D is in Vegas.Seems to be doing ok. Spoke to J  my…
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  • Wooo Hooo
    January 1, 2019
    Yay yay yay....It's 2019. Hurray. Light the fireworks, drink the alcohol, do the drugs, find the perfect midnight kiss....woot woot.   Insert sarcasm here.   No seriously.   I'd rather be silent and in the dark.  
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  • Devastation and pride
    December 18, 2018
    Devestation. My son, let's just call him 25 since his birthday is on Thursday, is trying to move to Las Vegas to be with his dad, who is very sick. I've talked to him in the past about this, and indeed suggested that he do just this to spend time with him. He has been…
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