Insomnia Woes

I was sleeping so well just now. Only slept probably about 4 hours. I woke up to pee and drink some water. When I laid back down, Chrisean & Blueface flashed into my mind. Like wtf? Why tf are they even on my mind? I thought about how they’re probably sleeping in the same bed and wondered how they do it(share a bed)?

I thought about space. I thought about how I don’t want to share my bed. Even if it were a Cali King sized mattress, I still don’t want to share my bed. Then I thought about the statistics of couples versus singles, and who sleeps better at night.

I just looked this up on the internet:
“Yet, a new study suggests that adults who share their beds with a partner have less severe insomnia, less fatigue and more sleep time. They also report being more satisfied with their lives and relationships, as well as having lower levels of stress, depression and anxiety.”

I don’t give af! I don’t believe it one bit. I don’t care either. I still like sleeping in my own bed. Right now, I’m sleeping horizontally on my bed. Before that I was on the left side, now my head is on the opposite side. I could never slept this way if I were a couple. Also, I like finding different temperatures in the bed. I know there’s new technology for beds, but I prefer to move around until I find my desired temperature to sleep in.

Anyways, I’m wondering if I should tell Shervin or not about this celebrity who can help my career. I’m thinking I should. I’ll just say I met him at a party a while back, and he invited me to studio. I’ll say I reached out to him about music, and he gave me his number. Basically the whole truth…

But Shervin isn’t my boyfriend! But since Shervin thinks we are in a relationship, and since I’ve been so loyal for this long, I may as well go along with it. After all, it maybe the protection I need to not have this celebrity try to sleep with me. It may be the best thing for me.

I don’t have any intentions of sleeping with anyone, anytime soon. I’ve held out for this long; I’m not just giving it away to anyone. I’m saving myself for the love of my life. Whoever he is, he’s someone I’m willing to share my bed with.

I think I’m going to take a sleeping pill. Four hours of sleep is definitely not enough rest. My mind is racing because I don’t want to lose Shervin over some celebrity that means nothing to me. Shervin is way more valuable to me. I don’t care about him like that but I do care about his feelings.

I know from the outside it may seem like I’m stringing this guy along, but he’s going to find love one day. If he finds it now, they will just use him terribly. But if he finds it when I’m famous, at least it will be because a woman desired him so much that she wanted what I had. And by then, it will be perfect timing. He will have a beautiful woman, and I will release him back into the world, when I’m desired by the entire world & I no longer need him.

Wow! I sound like I’m using him. But Shervin is using me too,  saying that I’m his girlfriend, knowing damn well I’m not. In my eyes it’s a perfect usation because he gets to act like he’s with me and I get to say I have a boyfriend so the celebrity doesn’t try to sleep with me without looking like a devious Gf stealer. It is what it is….

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