No more “Hope”

This morning I woke up to my dad calling me at 7am. He was waking me up from a bad dream. My dream was about something that happened to me in the past.
Long story short, there were these two men who ran the choir division at my church. I asked to sing one of my songs that I wrote. At the last minute, they had me learn a different song. Then, I must have not done so well because they didn’t ask me to return. I asked why and they said my dress was too short. It reached my knee and the sleeves were past my elbows. I’ve always been haunted by that experience, and I still have nightmares from it.
Now I’m up for the day I think. I got at least 6 hours of sleep. I am still in bed, contemplating my day. I have many errands and things to do.
I think I may pack to go back home. I’ve been in LA for the past 27 days and I’ll be returning home soon.
I look forward to seeing my parents. I know I have to clean my apartment when I get home. I live in a dangerous, filthy apartment complex in Houston. A stark contrast to Encino, which is where my Airbnb is located.
Since I’ve been in LA I have accomplished shooting part one of my music video, gaining the interest of a talent agency, and meeting El DeBarge(the celebrity) this Wednesday in a studio session, and getting a response from the CEO of HBO who will get one of my songs or more, onto a popular television show called Euphoria.
Something funny happened just now. I erased the word hopefully three times in the previous paragraph. I remember I told Shervin that, “hopefully my dreams will come true”. He scolded me and said don’t say “hopefully”, don’t say the word “hope” because that implies that you may not get it. Then that same day I had saw a reel on TikTok or Instagram.  The man from the reel said he erased the word “hope”from his jargon. This man stated the same thing that the word hope, almost seem like you won’t get it.
So as I erase the word “hope” before saying that the CEO will get back in touch with me, I got a response from my text message. He only said the words, “thank you”. But how many people can say that the CEO of HBO/Warner Media text them “thank you”. I know he’s not a God or anything but I do feel like God has placed Him in my life for a reason.
I remember in my first entry I said I wanted to be like Zendaya. First of all, I could never be her because she’s like 2 feet taller than me, weighs probably the same as I do or less, and is way younger. Let me look up her age. She’s only about 10 years younger. Well 12 years younger to be exact but who’s counting?…

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February 28, 2023

WOW! That is incredible. Keep dreaming and working hard. I love the concept of erasing “hope.”

March 1, 2023

@ryanne thank you so much for the encouragement. Yes! Let’s erase the idea of separation of what we truly desire by saying the word, “hope”. I will work hard; I promise.