They keep asking me why don’t I talk? Why don’t I open up? Why don’t I say what I think? I can’t. It’s hard; really, really hard. I’m afraid. I’m afraid that my thoughts will be too much for others. I’m afraid they won’t understand me. In fact, I know they won’t understand me. I don’t know how. I don’t know how to explain to them what’s going on in my head. My thoughts are confusing, worrying, and not so pretty and cheerful. I don’t like conversations, I don’t like people either. People questioning too much, they are unreasonable, and they always fail you in the end. I hate myself for thoughts like this, but I can’t help myself. They suffocate me and do not let me sleep. I feel lost, but I also don’t want to find myself. I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to look happy. I’m tired of trying to keep myself alive. I would like just to close my eyes and disappear. I want to go to that darkness that calls me so much. I want to feel nothing more. Only darkness. Forever.
I don’t know how old you are, either this is teenaged angst or something else. But here’s a tip: don’t worry about what other people are thinking about you; they don’t. You don’t spend your day thinking about one particular person. Those close to you may worry about your affect. Everyone has fleeting thoughts of escape, but if these persist, you must get help. I’m an old guy and been through some stuff. It will be okay.
@solovoice it’s sounds easy when You say it that way but I really don’t know what to do… Every day I’m thinking about killing myself and it’s really scary for me
@girlfrominternet I understand. If these thoughts are persistent, try and see a therapist of some sort. If you can’t afford that (and they are expensive), get your GP to give you some anti-depressants. I take them and it makes all the difference. I take half a tablet a day to keep me level without feeling like a zombie. The thing about anti-depressants is they keep you from feeling “stuck” which is where you are now. They take about a month to fully kick in; be patient. You can (and should) air your feelings here. Being a guy, I’m probably more prone to an action-based, “tough love” approach than the women here. My wife says that women are better at listening. 😉 I know from experience that situations change and things will get better and what seems insurmountable now really isn’t. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get help or reach out. It just means there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
you can share your thoughts here, you will be safe here with us OD-ers! And if anyone makes a comment that you do not like, you can just delete the comment and block that asshole ! 🙂
It’s true that many people won’t be able to understand us. I have been through that pain, and i know it can be incredibly lonely. I would like to reassure you that there ARE the some people who CAN understand us. I send you good wishes that you will find your kindred spirits soon! I have found them. So can you!
@journalsecret thank u , I needed to hear that <3