What they teach us.
The values held by my father were manipulation, lying, and inflicting pain on others. Never humility, generosity, resiliency, honesty, kindness, integrity. I had to learn these along the way after I was a teenager. My mother taught me love, determination, and how to be fiercely protective of those I love. But she was hiding inside herself for decades from the pain that my sadistic narcissistic severely abusive father caused her, and doesn’t believe she is worthy of love. She is starting to bloom now though finally after 51 years on this earth. My stepfather taught me integrity and though he meant well, the type of integrity he taught me was forged in his experience of White male privilege and though he may have had good intentions, these lessons were so centered in the White experience that I have to actively work to decolonize them always.
It makes me happy that your mother is beginning to come into her own now and blossom. I’m sorry your father didn’t set a good example for you. You are very aware of what is right and wrong I think and are blossoming yourself.