#ptsd

I will never give you the satisfaction of knowing what you did to me. From Day 1 I kept telling you no. We were better friends because I KNEW you would never change. You convinced and took over my life. We had an agreement that YOU broke! How dare you!? Who do you think you…

Mental health office called again. Pushing me to find another doctor. It just reassures how I feel unwanted and too much of a "hassle" to deal with. Yesterday was his court date, I haven't heard back from the DA office on what happened. I can sit here and say I don't care but I do.…

I am feeling a bit more optimistic lately and a bit more capable of recognizing and breathing through my anxieties. I am also very happy that switching to a new birth control pill contributed to feeling a bit more stable. The underlying PTSD and anxieties are already there, and a negative hormone...

The values held by my father were manipulation, lying, and inflicting pain on others. Never humility, generosity, resiliency, honesty, kindness, integrity. I had to learn these along the way after I was a teenager. My mother taught me love, determination, and how to be fiercely protective of thos...

Hm..... I seem to feel a little bit better. And by that I mean... everything is still there, but maybe I am starting to feel more integrated. Like I am experiencing the range of emotions rather than stifling most of them. My anxiety is still very high, but usually the depression feels as high as&...

I have to keep trying to do the things that I love. I need to find my beads. I need to set up a craft area. I need to get a folding card table. These need to be priorities. Because I am loosing my damn mind. And I need something to do with my hands.…

I am looking for a fuck to give today. I see how tired my partner looks. Deep in his eyes, he's as tired as if he'd fought in three wars. His grandma who is like his mother is dying. He is in a crazy busy PhD program. And I am just loosing my shit over…

Everything hurts. Between a terrible UTI .. again .. and severe PTSD flash backs and constant triggers .. again .. it just feels like it never ends. I know that isn't true but it has just been such a long long year.. Time stretches on, and I'm tired. So tired. Something has to click soon.…

I guess we have to be able to name our feelings in order to be able to fully feel and process them. When you were never shown how to recognize and name feelings growing up, the journey to name them and let them out - rather than shove them down - feels next to impossible…

My eyes carry the weight of my world. How tired I truly am. Heavy and blue. As if I have never slept. My chest carrier my fears. Bound with barbed wire. Wrapped so tight I dare not breathe. My stomach carries my poison.Wretched and disgusting. Overflowing when I catch a glimpse of my monster in&h...