Stir Crazy Thoughts

Distraction is not something I’m good at. I spend my days going stir crazy at home still as I have no routine no normal life. I know we are all in the same place and going through the same thing. Its so hard. I had a phone appointment with my therapist today and she asked me how I was feeling but I never told her the truth. I said I was ok that I had good days and bad, why is it so hard to discuss this sort of things over the phone. I understand that I should of told her how I really was feeling but I didn’t. I need to make another appointment so I can really discuss it all

I am still but not really talking with “T” I think its time I let that one go. Its way to hard with everything we are going through and at this time we may not meet for months so best to move on I think. Maybe we need to talk less frequently have a little time without speaking to see if there was really something there I have no idea. I know where all my insecurities come from and I need to learn how to leave the pass in the pass so I can move forward with new relationships whether they are friendships or more. But the hurt I feel from ex’s keeps me making the same mistakes so so much. I wish I didn’t have all this hurt and I could let go cause then maybe I could truly learn to love again and be loved. I do things to fuck everything up all the time as I don’t want to be hurt and by doing that I hurt myself. Can we really let the passed go and move on without a worry in the world. I know I feel something for “T” cause I wouldn’t be driving myself crazy over it but also if I could just Let it happen I would be a new person. I hate no control in things and this is why it is so hard. I can’t ask him to not talk to other people he has a right to as we are nothing more than phone friends but I wish he would just want to talk only to me. I am such a jealous person how do you stop that. So many thoughts and feelings at this time. It truly is driving me crazy.

Can anyone shed some advise on this cause I really have no idea.

Thanks for stopping by, please feel free to comment and leave hugs we could all use them right now


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April 9, 2020


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