A leaf in the wind

I just painfully realized I just don’t fit anymore. Not in the lives of my loved ones or friends, nor I to the lives of ny co-workers and neighbors. It shouldn’t bother me, but for 48 years, I did fit.

I have reached a point where I have stopped expecting anyone to call or stop by, but I wish they did. My boys have all reached that age where they don’t comprehend their father’s depression and sadness, so they get a pass, but it hurts like Hell.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention this one acquaintance, she has thrown a couple greetings my way and offered a shoulder, which I unfortunately accepted. The ear she claimed to offer turned into the “you don’t know what pain and loss feels like”. Dhe has somewhat one up’d me with every thing. I am sad, she is sadder. What she doesn’t seem to get is, she has a house of her own and a couple children that are there 24/7 and more actual active friends then me. Her “comfort and understanding” is equivalent to the lash that jockeys hit the race horse with to run faster.

Even though I could never bring myself to it, I wonder how long I could go without calling or texting anyone before someone would notice? If I was a betting man, I would definitely think it would be months.