Lonely

I’ve learned that my faceless friends on the internet who have never met me are more friends to me than the ones that are actually down the road. I think the only Holiday greeting I received over the last couple weeks came from an older lady who was essentially cornered at the store by me and couldn’t get by me fast enough.

I’ve reached a point where I can no longer take people at their word. Not “friends” or family. I don’t remember how many times I heard the line “If I was there or closer, I would defiantly meet up for drinks or dinner” only to learn they were and they didn’t. I’m not stupid, I know their words are the same as the comforting words one gives at a funeral. “If you need anything, I mean anything, just call me”  No one really means it, everyone just says it.

Who am I to call them out? Their Facebooks and Instagram’s do it for them. There they stand with several friends at the local bar in my hometown commenting on how great it is seeing old friends and family, yet they tell me they were just so busy they never found a moments peace. I guess the fact they try to lie to save my feelings is something.  Between you and me though, I would rather have a harsh truth than a kind lie. Kind lies have ruined my life over the last 3 years.

“I won’t bring him around the kids”

“I just need some time”

“We can do counselling”

“I want us to have joint custody”

“I’ll be there for you”

“I’ll call you when I get home”

“I love you”

So many kind lies…

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3 weeks ago

I’m sorry you are feeling lonely today.  You are almost through this holiday season at least.  Do you ever get to have your kids for any of the holidays?  If not, that’s just wrong 🙁

3 weeks ago

@happyathome Honestly I still very much believe in family and my son’s have that with my ex and her “husband”. This will be my eldest’s last New Years Eve as “a Kid” with his brother’s and Mom. To me it’s something that should be held special like when I was young and the last time me, my siblings, and parents were all together as a family. If anything I showed my ex what a real family was like for 20 years and I hope she still at least appreciates that.

3 weeks ago

@newt316 That’s a very unselfish way to look at it.  I just can’t imagine how hard it is, though.

3 weeks ago

I suppose some people have the best of intentions…

“let’s do lunch”

“stay in touch”

you know…I’m guilty of it, but meaning it, just never following through with it.  As for myself, I’m a busy-body, on the go most of the time, chores, friends, bf, parental check-ins.  I suppose excuses, but I try to make time and room for everyone.  Some days are easier than other’s, as I try to be a people pleaser, this leaves time for myself short.

I hope you find hope and happiness in 2022.  And I am sincere in that.  Everyone deserves happiness.  Everyone.  And as another diarist wrote in my notes – Know Your Worth.  Powerful words.  And I needed to be reminded…I struggle even with all that I have.  *hugs*

3 weeks ago

@strawberryjelly Thank you. You also