New Year Thoughts

It is now the year of the Querulous Megapode (Discworld) and the Water Rabbit (Chinese Zodiac) and I am 41 years old. I can’t even believe I am in my 40’s. I couldn’t believe it last year when I turned 40 and promptly freaked out about everything, especially my health. I’m feeling better today than I was at the beginning of the year. I got diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and got a CPAP, I’ve lost about 30 pounds, and I’ve got more energy. Still have a way to go.

I live with Reed, my non-romantic life partner, and legal husband. He is a trans man from New Orleans whom everyone likes more than me, including my own family. We now have 5 cats: Jojo, Nori, Juniper, Merlin, and Sunny D, and live in a house Reed bought two years ago in Portland, OR. I work at Target for the education benefits and am now finally working toward my bachelor’s degree.

We rang in the new year at the Rose Quarter with the Brandi Carlisle New Year’s Eve Party last night. It was amazing.

Today I had some strong feelings. I’ve been missing coffee lately even though I drink tea now because coffee makes me too intense. I’ve gotten myself a cup of coffee most mornings this week and the difference has been insane. I’m already on doctor-prescribed amphetamines for weight loss and my energy level is already up because of all the cardio I do, so pouring coffee on top of that time bomb makes me super irritable and impatient. I got into a long text argument with an annoying old friend of mine for hours this morning, driving myself up the wall until I finally told him I had better things to do. I calmed down after my long walk to and from the gym and acted like a mostly sane person again.

I changed up the arrangement in the kitchen, making more space and moving some stuff around. I then prepared cornbread in the breadmaker to have with dinner tonight.

My trip to the gym today was to meet with my coach about my progress. I was feeling dejected because I had done so much cardio and weight training last week and hadn’t lost any weight. K showed me that I had gained so much muscle that it canceled out the fat I had lost. She then showed me all the amazing gains I had made physically just in the last two weeks and I felt a lot better.

Back home I made black-eyed peas with collard greens and sausage for luck in the new year. We had them with the cornbread I made. It was a delicious and nourishing meal, and we watched the old movie A Perfect World.

I feel like I had a productive day. I got some good exercise in, I made some changes around the house, I did some cooking, I apologized to my friend for bullying him all morning, and I’m feeling pretty good right now.

I wanted to start journaling again in the new year but my thoughts are faster than my writing and I knew I would have to type my journal. I decided to come back here since it’s already set up and waiting for me, but without my previous expectations and with the sole purpose of having a place to type my journal entries. I see that the Diary Master and the staff haven’t posted anything in over a year, so that doesn’t seem like a great sign, but I guess I’ll keep going and hope for the best.

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