Here we go again…
It has been a break since 29 Apr, almost a week ago. There was time that I unpublished my entries, but today I decided to just publish them again. I don’t know if my actions are good or bad, just they are, as facts, probably.
Today I see Dr. S., my doctor and literally I don’t know if I’m a bit on the high or not. He does not say anything, so I guess I’m OK. I talked about firing a counsellor after the first talk because I feel he can’t help me and I can’t talk to him about things I like to talk (he seems that he does not care), so Dr. S asks “so why do you keep seeing me?”. I think it’s a curious question, but I am taken aback by hearing that question. Kind of, I have never thought of stopping seeing him. Sigh… I really think Dr. S. helps me a lot. Let’s hope he’s not taking my talking as offence or anything.
There has been a number of changes happening since last time I wrote here in this open diary website. I decided to create a blog, but I then I don’t feel familiar with it, so I’m returning here, acknowledging the fact that I will need to pay 3.99$/month for continuing using this micro-blogging service after a month, but maybe I will belong to a small community here. Who knows…
I have lost a person who I talk to regularly. Lost does not mean he’s dead or anything, but we are apart. Maybe my fault, maybe not. Now I don’t even think about it. Things have happened as is and we can only accept it. I’m not eager as I was a week before about us. But at the same time, I’m not desperate either. I understand that going ahead will be a very tough period for both of us, especially him. I can’t do anything to support him (in fact, I only cause him troubles), so I can only support him by being quiet, calm and contented with my life and not showing emotions. Yeah, not showing emotions on my facebook account. It is too public, we have so many common friends. I feel I can breathe here as noone knows who I am, and I wish to remain anonymous for a long while (probably forever) on this diary website.
I want to write more about him but I’d save it for another post. I want to write and express what I really think and all my thoughts during the last few confusing days… I may come back writing again today if I manage to have some spare time…