#personal

It's just one of those days where you don't know left from right or up from down. I'm struggling with so many things, yet it doesn't seem like much. Everybody tells me I am doing such a good job, yet I get no freedom. I'm living under a constant watchful eye who criticizes and never…

I think I am a good writer. When it comes to putting the thoughts in my head onto paper, I got this! I don’t know how to turn 'this' into something though, something meaningful, useful or lucrative even. Why do I want to make something of 'this' skill? I literally sound like a mad person,…

I am feeling a bit more optimistic lately and a bit more capable of recognizing and breathing through my anxieties. I am also very happy that switching to a new birth control pill contributed to feeling a bit more stable. The underlying PTSD and anxieties are already there, and a negative hormone...

The values held by my father were manipulation, lying, and inflicting pain on others. Never humility, generosity, resiliency, honesty, kindness, integrity. I had to learn these along the way after I was a teenager. My mother taught me love, determination, and how to be fiercely protective of thos...

Monday, 30th May 2016 Dearest Friend, I read James’s letter from the 13th on the bus back to Galway yesterday; it was a very emotional read for me! I find it hard to articulate how I’m feeling sometimes. It’s hard to explain to people that I sometimes need alone time to repair myself; it’s hard&h...

I have to keep trying to do the things that I love. I need to find my beads. I need to set up a craft area. I need to get a folding card table. These need to be priorities. Because I am loosing my damn mind. And I need something to do with my hands.…

I am looking for a fuck to give today. I see how tired my partner looks. Deep in his eyes, he's as tired as if he'd fought in three wars. His grandma who is like his mother is dying. He is in a crazy busy PhD program. And I am just loosing my shit over…

Everything hurts. Between a terrible UTI .. again .. and severe PTSD flash backs and constant triggers .. again .. it just feels like it never ends. I know that isn't true but it has just been such a long long year.. Time stretches on, and I'm tired. So tired. Something has to click soon.…

I guess we have to be able to name our feelings in order to be able to fully feel and process them. When you were never shown how to recognize and name feelings growing up, the journey to name them and let them out - rather than shove them down - feels next to impossible…

My eyes carry the weight of my world. How tired I truly am. Heavy and blue. As if I have never slept. My chest carrier my fears. Bound with barbed wire. Wrapped so tight I dare not breathe. My stomach carries my poison.Wretched and disgusting. Overflowing when I catch a glimpse of my monster in&h...