#survivor

On 06-10-2022 I lost another family member, my little sister, to alcohol induced cirrhosis of the liver! A few years earlier my older sister passed from the same condition/disease/stupidity, plus an addiction to Oxycodone/Percodan, a few years before that I lost my Aunty who also died from this s...

My eyes carry the weight of my world. How tired I truly am. Heavy and blue. As if I have never slept. My chest carrier my fears. Bound with barbed wire. Wrapped so tight I dare not breathe. My stomach carries my poison.Wretched and disgusting. Overflowing when I catch a glimpse of my monster in&h...

  “Say what you want to say, let the words fall out, honestly, I want to see you be brave...” - Sara Barellies (Brave) So it would seem nightmares do come true after all. He’s been deployed recently. So I get to spend this year desperately hoping that he only lands here to put his…

So...   I feel like I've FINALLY had a breakthrough.   I feel like the black cloud is finally starting to lift a bit, now that I've accepted that it's ok to be angry about what happened, I feel somehow lighter. I know that the cloud could burst at any moment and rain down on…

So...   I've struggled with how I feel about myself and how others feel about me my entire life. I already had trouble with thinking of myself as being worthy of love because of how I was brought up, I wasn't really made anything of, passed from pillar to post as a child. I spent…

I don't know what I would do if I saw him again. I know it's a possibility, a remote one, but nothing's impossible. All it would take is him being deployed, and he could wind up here, and with my luck I'd bump in to him. Would I say anything? Would I be able? Would…

I remember it very clearly, like it was this morning and not six years ago. I still have nightmares, flashbacks strike throughout the day. The memories never go away and the feelings are still there, still raw. I re-live the whole ordeal every day. It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up,&...

I used to believe that life was generally a bit shit, but ultimately that what went around came around but then it happened, then it happened again, and now I believe that life is very actually shit. There’s very little in the way of retribution, you just get the hand your dealt and you have…

So... It never goes away. It’s always on my mind, it’s like a video that replays in my head constantly. A never-ending reminder, triggered by the least little thing, and just when I start to think I’m getting it under control then *BAM* it leaps out and grabs hold of me again, dragging me back&he...

So...   All the pieces of me that are out of reach remain inside, they're just encased in the entrails of what happened, and I don't seem to be able to free them. if anything the constraints are getting tighter.   So, what's left? Who was I before all this happened? I always had issues....