I am not really an asshole; I already feel bad about my last entry.

I took my daughter to the Developmental Specialist Monday for her 2-year checkup. She was born at 25 weeks and 2 days; she weighed 905 grams. She was so small they weighed her in grams. Due to her premature lungs, she received a monthly antibody shot during RSV season her 1st year of life; it’s like 6 months. It is based on weight so its 2 injections at once. Surprisingly it was approved by the insurance company for year 2. My ex and I disagreed on her getting it this year, but I told him if he wanted her to get it that was fine, but he had to handle all the responsibility of it.

My daughter had an emotional meltdown at the DS appointment Monday because she thought she was getting stabbed with needles, like every time she goes to the doctor. I messaged my ex and told him we were done with this shot, that the trauma outweighed the benefits at this point. I already felt like a terrible mom because the DS told me she was delayed in her speech. I cried on the car ride home; it feels like I never have enough time with her. If I had more time with her, she would be talking.  They said she was advanced with her fine motor skills, but I only heard you are not doing good enough. I know that’s not true. I was just having a moment.

The response I received from her dad was “Did you make this decision on your own? Or did you discuss it with the pediatrician first? I would prefer the professional’s opinion on this, Ill message the pediatrician so we can both see what he has to say about it.”  I have a 4-year undergraduate degree; took and passed several graduate level courses and I am licensed and certified by 3 different professional boards in the state of Ohio, but this man can make you feel like the dumbest person on the planet in like 5 seconds. I wonder why I was having that moment? No, I don’t.

I did make sure to tell him he could contact the pediatrician, but I reminded him of my resumé, I have been working in the healthcare field for 9 years now and informed him it was my personal and professional opinion the shot was no longer warranted.  He didn’t respond to that, and he never messaged the doctor.

How can anyone put expectations on others that are higher than the ones they hold for themselves?

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February 20, 2022

I got it it Iron Lobster, no one can make you feel anything lol. He can imply it with his words! That is not about you that’s about him. My mom worked 2 jobs and never had a lot of time for me. I want to give my baby more time. It matters. I feel like I am being my mom.

February 20, 2022

Goodness. That’s a lot of trauma all around. Hoping you remember you’re only human and only one person. <3