#bipolar

I am bipolar: it does not exist without me and I do not exist without it.  I was diagnosed the summer of 2007, and it did not occur to me, that we are inseparable until lately, 14 years later.   Bipolar and other mental illnesses have wreaked havoc on my life and self perception.  My current…

So I have Bipolar Disorder. I have been on lithium since January 2011. It changed my life. I began to function again. However, the lithium has terrible side effects. It’s toxic to the kidneys, it makes me super dehydrated, and I have problems with frequent urination, exhaustion, and weight gain. ...

I laugh at how bad things get. It’s comical how living with a psychopathic kleptomaniac has changed the way I view the world, and even the universe. I attract women who are pretty, but completely tragic, and they think that somehow befriending me is a ticket to a perpetual rock concert, and they’...

So I didn’t write for a few days. I wish I could claim I was busy. But I spend most of my day sleeping. I don’t fall asleep until 4am and I end up sleeping until 9am, I get up and eat so I can take my meds, then I go back to bed til…

So I haven't blogged in probably 8 or so years. I used to be an active Xanga user. I had a pretty big following on there and had friends I actually spoke to over skype sometimes. But most blogging sites seem to have disappeared. I read about this one and I decided to try it.…

Is mania. Its just hard to separate it all. Like if this was common occurrence,  i could be more certain,  the only occurrence is his ghosting me. I said all this to his sister as it was going on, but i really believe his support system just isn't that strong. Hes slowly coming around.  I…

Did he really think i would make him choose? Why can't he be in all our lives? Why is he turning it yo something i refuse to budge on and why tf am i even crying over it, anymore? My AE said enough this morning and he hasn't said a word, since. So, maybe he's…

Its really a learned behavior and its kinda sickening. Its not that he ghosted me, but that he also ghosted our daughter. its all so heartbreaking and it isnt necessary. But i get the fight or flight attitude. Its something he needs to deal with. But in the meantime i broke down about 5 times&hel...

So when I told my mom about the car and what it costs, he came downstairs to listen to me. I finished my call and he kept walking around. He was looking to approach me but i refused to engage. He walked into the hallway, and then walked back down it after mumbling something to…

Ah, its been years since I've journaled. Literally years. Its going to be nice. I need a place for my thoughts, so Im back. My head is a spinning around and my anxiety is high. This man that i allowed to hurt me emotionally, physically and mentally is driving me up the fucking wall with…