Latest Entry

Did I Do A Meditate?

July 31, 2021
I’ve always wanted to meditate but I just can’t seem to slow my brain down and I always just ended up feeling frustrated. I’ve tried guided meditation, online, in-person, with friends and it just never worked for me. Well, I think I finally found a way to make it work with a thing I didn’t…
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Recent Entries

  • Pretty Good Week
    July 25, 2021
    Work still sucks but I did make some progress that made me feel like things are starting to click. I shouldn’t be surprised when this happens but every time I learn something new for work or personal I always get frustrated that I’m not “getting it” but then, like a light switch, my brain catches...
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  • Whatever.
    July 21, 2021
    More and more I find myself saying that. I feel on the edge of a mental breakdown and feel helpless to stop it. Like I’m watching it happen but can’t do anything to stop it. Not sure what I’d even do to stop it. Meds haven’t worked in the past. I don’t like the way…
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  • Another Week
    July 18, 2021
    Overall, not bad…I had my first date in 10+ years, and was ghosted. I couldn’t help thinking about the Friend’s episode where Ross was setup on a blind date and unbeknownst to him Joey and Phoebe canceled the date. So when she didn’t show up the waiter asked him “Do you think she saw you…
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  • I Think It’s Time
    July 12, 2021
    I think I need to go back to therapy. I saw a therapist for almost 2 years but just stopped going. I don't really remember why I stopped but I do remember it being helpful. I remember being extremely tired when I'd get home from therapy. I get to the point where I feel like…
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  • More On This Week
    July 11, 2021
    Something I did realize this week is that I really don’t give a shit about job, and haven’t in a really long time. I’m not fulfilled by it, it doesn’t challenge me or anything like that. I just don’t care. I remember a line from one of my favorite movies, “it’s not that I’m lazy,…
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  • Happenings This Week
    July 10, 2021
    Not much other than work tbh. I had a few things I thought about writing about but I thought about them in that half asleep/half awake plane. I really love that state. I tend to world build as I’m trying to fall asleep. I think about a book I’ve read and submerge myself in that…
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  • What if I just, disappeared?
    July 7, 2021
    Let me start out by saying this is more of a thought experiment and something I think a lot about when I’m stressed in order to calm myself. What if I just left? I’m fascinated by the thought of it. Could it even be done in 2021? I’ve been online since the mid-90’s with chat…
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  • A Bust
    July 6, 2021
    Ended up leaving later than I’d planned for the camera trip. My GPS app also took me on a very strange route that had me down a dirt road crossing a stream. The vehicle I took is not really designed for any kind of water crossings so that was a bit uncomfortable! Finally made it…
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  • Well, Ok.
    July 4, 2021
    As you might’ve guessed from my last post things haven’t been going great. All totaled my dog cost me an unexpected $1260 this past week. This is the first dog I’ve owned on my own b/c in the past I’ve really gotten attached to other dogs and I knew if I had one of my…
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