I started writing shortly after OD launched, around 1999 at 11 years old. Of course my original diary was lost in the abyss of teenage angst, but I established this one in 2004...that was a long time ago - it took awhile to get from then to now.
Some things are private, some things were lost when OD went down, some I deleted myself...but this is what remains. $99 for a lifetime subscription as a broke college kid was a solid investment.

Trauma. Depression. Anorexia. Self injury. Anxiety. Promiscuity. Bad decisions. And somehow, a "happily ever after". And now, lots of therapy.

Latest Entry

Asset 5

Thoughts and Prayers

September 3, 2025
hear those church bells ringing the congregation singing voices raised - amazing grace begging god, please come and fill this place his mercies raining down as they worship at their altar I’m the lamb led to the slaughter and what I’m feeling isn’t god it isn’t sacred - isn’t holy what I’m feelin...
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Recent Entries

  • Asset 5
    Not Your Rebel
    July 18, 2025
    I was raised to be an angel obedient and sweet But then I met the devil... and my curiosity I begged to disagree & to know what I can't see You might as well call me Eve or Alice, Pandora, or Anne (with an e) Because, if knowledge is power but it makes me a…
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  • Asset 5
    Survival
    July 16, 2025
    door is closing twisted lock skin exposing [sick] sweet talk acid rising in my throat pressure building in my pulse fire burning in my skin breath is steady body braced mind is ready just displaced trees are swaying with the breeze birds are calling wild & free clouds are drifting... back to ...
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  • Asset 5
    innocence
    July 14, 2025
    red flags warning signs fine print blurred lines slithering snakes [scape] goats sheep (or, wolves?)* see the notes smoke and mirrors lifted veil...yet never clearer fractured scenes still frames what's between push play press rewind whose lens- rose tinted? colorblind? turn away everything is fi...
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  • Asset 5
    gaslighting
    June 29, 2025
    condescending questions the only answer is a yes - and even then, it's not enough they press and press (and press) until my voice is echoing their words became my own - repeated back, ad nauseam became the truth I've known        
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  • indoctrination
    June 16, 2025
    Raise up a child in the way that they should go and when they are old — they'll never question, never know for the wages of sin is death and only the righteous are free so I took up my cross and bore it, silently — because who do you think they’d believe? when Adam…
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  • fallacies
    May 27, 2025
    a simple implication, if -> then the argument is true, even when you cannot prove the premise (a delusion) only, the verity of the conclusion... but if you turn it back around then the validity comes unwound affirming the consequent is never logically succedent the reasoning, post hoc the word...
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  • Asset 5
    Trauma
    February 27, 2025
    The devil’s been inside of me hot between my thighs Your god just watched him fuck me right before his eyes The devil’s been inside of me down on hands and knees Had me worshipping his idol until my body seized The devil’s been inside of me filled me full of [lies] Spit in my…
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  • Asset 5
    Assignment
    February 18, 2025
    Language is diminishing & thus, this [poem] is not worth fini-
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  • Butterflies
    November 21, 2024
    “Sense entered into a short, violent skirmish with instinct and inclination, and was overwhelmed.” - The Cuckoo’s Calling I had never noticed him before - I mean, not in that way at least...though we've probably spoken hundreds of times; he speaks fast and is always moving, so our conversations w...
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