Recent Entries

• 1/8/19

  January 9, 2019

  Im so angry. so sad.  I want to scream and cry at the same time.  my adhd/anxiety/depression/you name it is all over the fucking map. i had a simple evening in mind. maybe i expect too much. but i know i don't.  i really dislike cooking. i have for a long time now. this is…

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• Pink dogwood

  August 10, 2018

  I can’t seem to put anything in its place in my brain. I’m so scattered. I’m at my desk at work. I don’t want to do anything work related. I have personal stuff to do that I could do later but I can’t seem to put those things aside in my mind.  I have taken…

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• Stuff

  July 31, 2018

  Just want to write about nothing in particular. I’m feeling a little manic at the moment. Feeling good. Things bobbing around in my head: Being an older mom – I’m a bit unique - but not so very unique L – back in my thoughts Vacation – expectations or not? D – teenage girl on…

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• Say what?

  July 20, 2018

  It’s a damn good thing I read my own words about “growing in love” with H over the years. Because I am very angry and disappointed at the moment. (Let me stop here for a second and say that this entry contains the first-world-problem whining of a middle aged, middle class woman). A few months&hel...

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• Honesty is such a lonely word…

  July 10, 2018

  Secrets and lies. Well…..OK…..ummm……I tell lies. I withhold the truth. Starting with myself. I’ve lied to myself most of my life. And if you lie to yourself it’s that much easier to lie to everyone else. My parents are not exactly role models of honesty. Dad did everything he could to get around ...

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• Independence Day

  July 3, 2018

  H and I got engaged on July 4th 1997. After the fact, we both thought it was a little ironic as he used to refer to himself as "Independent H" (from 'Independent George' on Seinfeld). Anxiety is high. Even medicated I have a tension headache. I’m still in limbo with my job and HR person…

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• a few thoughts on a few topics

  June 20, 2018

  Loss and grief – I don’t remember what I wanted to say about this. Except maybe that because of the loss of my sister, I have become closer to my father. It’s easier to tell him I love him. Maybe one of the lessons we learn from loss is to let go of old hurts.…

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• None of your business

  June 15, 2018

  I heard this quote once a few years ago and I try to live by it. It goes more or less like this: "Other people's opinion of you is none of your business."  I mean, does it really matter what anyone else thinks of you (or what you write)? It's yours and yours alone. If…

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• Just stuff

  June 13, 2018

  I spoke with our new HR person yesterday. This limbo land that I am living in is making me anxious. She doesn’t know me from Adam, so I gave her my background and the circumstances that led me to her door. Mainly I needed to know if I would be eligible for unemployment if I…

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