April 4th 2006 2:00am

I was 14 years old when I wrote this entry and it seems like I had been visiting my mother for, what seems to be Spring Break. I will give some context to whom I am referencing before I share this old journal entry. I will also use [brackets] in between paragraphs for commentary. Not sure when brackets are actually necessary. I could definitely Google that right now, but I won’t.

John: Mom’s boyfriend at the time.

Mike: Good friend of mine at the time.

Kat: Love interest at the time.

Andrew: Older brother. (I am the middle child of three, with the exception of a little sister on my father’s side, which still makes me the middle child either way.)

Before I begin, this entry is 4 pages long front and back, so I will cut a lot of irrelevant stuff out.

Side note: All of my journals had names. This ones happened to be Rob 1/2. Don’t ask.


“Wassup Rob 1/2,

I just woke up [2:00 am] a few minutes ago. Man, last night when me and John were talkin’, I had way too many cigarettes. At 5 a.m. last night I threw up everything in my stomach and I’ll tell ya, the afterwards taste it left in my mouth was completely and utterly disgusting!” [I had my first cigarette when I was 9 years old from a neighborhood kid named Darren who used to steal his parents Salem’s. From then on, every so often, on a rare occasion I would sneak a puff of a lit cigarette, but it wasn’t until I was 13 years old that I started smoking regularly and using my $10 weekly allowance to persuade homeless guys to buy me packs of cigarettes.]

[Continued] “Ok, finally some alone time! John went to his house to get some stuff for our little cookout this evening. I’m makin’ the burgers. I had four butts [cigarettes] today, probably have a few more by the end of the day. Last night blew so badly! I’m never chain smoking again.”

[Continued. There were a lot of breaks in this journal. I would sometimes write here and there throughout the day.] “It looks like it’s about to rain. I hate rain [Love the rain now.]. It always comes at the wrong times. We might not have a cookout if it rains. Shit, I’ve been in the mood for a good fist brawl lately, plus listening to this Death Metal gets me going. I’m gonna go draw, write later!” [From brawling to drawing within an instance. Can’t say my focus/interest shifts aren’t any different from how they were back then. Squirrel! Anyhow, yes, I had violent inclinations even before getting involved in gang activity. Ever since I was a young child. I pretty much saw an anger management counselor for what seems like at least most of my childhood. Some in Elementary School. All throughout Middle School and High School. Never did me any good. Moving on.]

[Continued] “K… Listening to my CD player [Two generations later: “What’s a CD?”. Lol.] now and listening to some Irish Folk music [I spent a good part of my life believing that I was Irish. I am not Irish. At all.] Love that stuff. So relaxing and peaceful. I swear, I could listen to this kinda music for hours on end. I need more, I only have 9 songs on my computer, but I deleted LimeWire [Like, comment and subscribe if you remember LimeWire! Lol. Wait… this isn’t YouTube…], so I dunno. Andrew [Brother] keeps tryin’ telling [grammaring] me how I gotta be for High School, and a minute ago he told me I act like a college kid, lol, just cause I have good vocab [I don’t even…] and can speak in full sentences [but apparently can hardly write in them].

[Skipped a whole bunch in between because it was more angsty teen stuff and a list of 122 things that I was thankful for, among that list being: 62. Teeth. 90. The Moon. 119. Valuable items. What…?] “Those are just a small quantity of things that I am thankful for. [I think the point that I was trying to make was that I was thankful for everything?] What makes me really thankful is people like Andrew, who are thankful for material, man-made things. [Was I trying to prove that he was superficial and that I was not? 119. Valuable items.]


[Continued] “He’s still tryin’ to scare me with that High School shit, and I’ll tell ya, it’s working. I’m go do some pushups. *Gulp* [Yes. I wrote that in my journal. Shut up. Andrew scaring me certainly helped contribute to me forming a gang with my friends before High School started that year. I thought it was going to be like a maximum security prison and was afraid that I would get killed if I did not have a safety net. I wonder if anyone else felt this way? One of my friends wrote in my 8th Grade yearbook “See ya next year! P.S. We will take down the biggest Senior that we find!”. This was the mentality. At least for me, going into High School.]


Anyhow, it seems like that is the end of that journal entry. I cut A LOT out, but in my opinion a lot of what I did  cut was either a little too person or relatively irrelevant. Would be interested in hearing your feedback! More to come soon!

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August 27, 2019

It’s your diary, if you wanna use brackets, use em.

Also a middle child of 3.  You have my sympathy

August 27, 2019

@williamthebloody Thanks for the encouragement, haha! And glad that someone else knows my pain, although it also came with its privileges.

August 28, 2019

Starting high school is always scary. I can understand you wanting to form a group of friends for protection.

I have an aunt who started smoking when she was 8.

I laughed at the references to LimeWire and CDs. I remember both :). So different from listening to things like Spotify and Pandora now.

August 28, 2019


Haha, yea… Those were the days. It was always hard to find a good portable CD player too. Especially one that didn’t skip if it moved too much.