I loved you when you first kissed me,
in a hospital 80 miles away.
You rubbed the space between my fingers,
In my mind you would stay.
I loved you, patrick, when our bodies connected
in a halfway house 60 miles away
you touched my body and my spirit
In the depths of my soul you stayed.
I loved you baby, when you gave me a necklace
In the snowy streets, 55 miles away
you showed me I meant time to you
In my thoughts you would stay.
I loved you, handsome, when i first stayed the night
60 miles away.. never been held so tight
never thought i’d be so encapsulated
by your energy’s lights.
I loved you, truly, when you relapsed again
all alone in your mind,
I watched you laugh and cry
dr jakyl and mr hide
I never thought I would leave your side.
I still loved you, the first time you went away
I was so scared, I wanted you to stay.
And, I still loved you when I told you my fears,
admitted my mistakes so we could have years.
AND I loved you, when we would have a child of our own
I couldn’t believe I would be better off alone.
AND i still loved you, when your love went cold
you yelled and you yelled, you started to look old.
AND I still loved you when you pushed me into the door
took advantage of my body, because you needed even more..
AND I once again loved you, with your hands around my neck
depleting my air supply, obscenities and tobacco breath
AND I still loved you, when the drugs took your brain
you became a zombie, a zombie full of rage
but I continued to let you eat me, so you could stay alive
everyday you watched the life drain from my eyes
But I would do anything to know you’d survive.
AND I still fucking love you, I miss you hurtful words and painful hands
I also miss your voice, and where your kisses always land
I miss your quirks, and your touch
The things I hate, the things I love
I hate myself for missing every piece of you
good bad or indifferent, I always loved you
AND I still loved you when you became a train wreck
ran me over so many times, I felt nothing left
except for my love for you, I felt that.