Alcohol – She sucks you dry

I’ve watched alcohol destroy someone I love.

My S/O has always enjoyed beer and drinking. In our earlier years of course he was “irresponsible”. We were in our mid/late 20’s when we started to date. We had 2 children; he worked a lot and long hours so I could be a stay home mom. So he would go out and blow of steam as needed – those were all night out at the bar, never responding to texts or calls, hours of me wondering where he was, who he was with, and all of the things a lonely housewife does after being home all day carrying for kids. I ignored it and passed it off.

As we have gotten older his drinking habits have changed. Instead of simply being a social drinker/partier the drinking increased at home. Instead of 3 beers it became 5-7. And not your average size can, no a 16 oz. I’m not good at math; but I know its more than a 12 oz can and therefore 5/6 of the 16 ouncer’s is more than having 5/6 12 oz cans. (Did I lose you 😶‍🌫️)

Not to mention as he socially drinks he doesn’t care how he treats me or talks to me. In fact he likes to make me feel embarrassed or at least tries too. And that’s when I feel bad for our company. It becomes an awkward moment. He looks like a complete asshole, his friends know it, but out of “respect” they let it slide. And that’s terrible. I know for a 100% fact that our friends and at least MY family KNOW he is an alcoholic. They see it. And it isn’t one sided. So I can assume our friends know.

Speaking of friends; the more he has drank socially the less friends he has. He used to have a lot of friends that would come over; they would shoot pool, they would play cornhole, we would play poker and board games – all the fun things. But reference the paragraph above; he has started to get sloppy and gross. They’ve stopped playing cornhole, disc golf, they’ve stopped coming over and hanging out. He blames me. I see the alcohol.

Its aged him. My daughter was looking at previous Facebook photos and let it be known. Sadly he looks mid 50’s – and I find myself no longer attracted to him. He grosses me out. His lack of general care about himself and frequent showering is gross. He smells like alcohol and when he falls asleep he breaths into my face. The rotten stank of unbrushed teeth and a mouth seeped with alcohol. He talked about leaving me if I gained weight – jesus christ the man is pushing 280lbs? I stayed….

He misses out on a lot. Simply because he can’t stay awake past 9. He blames it on having an 8-4:30 job. Yet on the days he doesn’t drink he is able to stay awake until 11pm, he plays video games, he watches TV shows, he has meaningful conversations. On the daily he misses out on a relationship with our children. Our youngest he has never put to bed – he never even goes in to kiss him goodnight or say “I love you”. Our high school is awake hours past. He comes in and shares with me. Unfortunately my S/O misses out on that. He has missed their growing up because he worked in construction for much of their childhood – and now he’s drunk. Our older two moved out – they say in part because of him. That’s not my story to share. That’s there’s. He can’t remember conversations. He repeats what he says the night before and doesn’t remember conversations because you had them when he had been drinking. So you spend a lot of time alone. Keeping the exciting things private because he doesn’t care. It’s a surface care.

I miss the man I fell in love with. 

⁑ DISCLAIMER ⁑
Remember: you are reading MY “perspective” of given events.  These writings are MY feelings; whether they are present tense – written in the moment, past tense – drafted during the day, or anticipated – futuristic.  All information provided is what I know from the information I have been given. As with any and every situation there are multiple sides to share the account. It is at the discretion of the reader to which side they favor.