I Am Paying Attention

I decided recently to focus on my relationship with myself and God as I feel he has been instructing me to do. It has been a busy couple of weeks and I have not been doing well keeping up on my reading. Balancing a full-time career and mom life is a lot of work. I have not opened the book to be honest about it. I went to church today to meet my group unprepared. I am never prepared it seems for what God has for me. We are studying Mark and today one of the ladies brought up the number 7 and the woman at the well. I am paying attention God; I will take this as a sign I am where I am supposed to be. Another lady started talking about waiting on God. I don’t like the waiting; can we be on the other side? On that day, when evening had come, he said to them,” Let us go across to the other side” Mark 4:35 We talked about how Jesus knew they were going to make it.  Okay, I hear you, I will work on my waiting and see you on the other side. Don’t live in fear, live in faith. Have faith, CRAZY Faith. Trust God he will provide for you. They all asked to pictures of my miracle baby today.  We talked about our stay in in the NICU. We also discussed building sandwiches and it made me think of “dad” bless his heart, if that man tells me to build a sandwich one more time…. Dad was one of my many therapists I tried to get help from to repair my broken marriage. Now we are talking about bailing the water out of other peoples’ boats and here comes my Iron Lobster. Stop worrying about that husband, worry about your own anger issues. “Is it that bad?” Ok that look tells me it is that bad. Reactive Abuse is a thing? I did not know about that; you don’t know until you know. Can you stay out of my limbic system? You want to find all my broken pieces? That is fine I am going to get in yours. I told you I was going to make you remember me forever! The bible study group leader commented on my quietness, I lost my voice a long time ago. I am working on getting it back.

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