#loss

... and tonight I'm drowning... I want to be happy... but I don't know how to fix myself. I've learned to sit with my feelings and hurt for a while and then move on when they are over, but lately it seems like there are too many and I'm not better off than months ago.…

I am crying uncontrollably. Sitting outside, on a park bench. On a bench, we used to sat, in a park, where we used to walk, in a city where we used to live, in a country we decided to move together in 2016. Passing by a house we used to live in. A house where…

I just did my audition. I had the same reader from a previous, disastrous audition. I don’t like him much. I remember I asked his opinion on my audition. And his response was, “um, you didn’t pay for coaching so I cannot comment.” I didn’t asked him for coaching; I just asked if he liked…

My sister died today. I always knew this day would come as she struggled with addiction for as long as I can remember. Guilt sets in as I’ve lived a better life, had it easier, was the baby and our dads favorite. (Same dad different moms). When I received the news I cried out as…

Weight reduction is difficult - this assertion will most likely resound to a many individuals who have been battling for quite a long time to shed a couple of pounds or a decent piece of weight. That, yet whenever you have lost the weight, how would you intend to keep up with it? Counts calories&...

Think it's too late to change your body once you're over 50? Think again. In October, 73-year-old Joan  MacDonald became an internet inspiration after showing off her incredible transformation. "For many decades, I was more often overweight than at a healthy weight," MacDonald told The Daily Mail...

I find it strange that I am back to using Open Diary. It was over 18 years (I think?) ago back when I was in junior of high school when I was using it constantly. It first started as a joke, then developed as a tool for expression and escapism from the trials of teenage…

I know I mentioned now previous post that I have had 2 miscarriages now and appear to be unable to have children, and the theme of children has been weighing so heavily on my mind. On the 2nd miscarriage, I didn’t find out until I was in the doctor’s office at my 10 week ultrasound.…

one year ago i spent this next two weeks saying my goodbyes to one of the only 2 women i've ever been in love with. She didn't tell me she was sick till it was too late and there was nothing that could be done. Seeing her in that bed at the hospice center is…

Hi. I haven’t written journal style in a very very long time. I told myself to write. I know I left this place on a very sad and abrupt note. It has been a horrible year + I hesitate to write here because there are ppl that know me here and who hate me now…