I just need to empty out all the bullshit in my head.
I’m going through some pretty severe depression and its partially because my partner, whom is in recovery lied about smoking weed, probably doing other things, where he’s been and why hes had to miss house meetings.
Everytime this has ever occurred he ruins his entire life in a week.
I’m also pregnant with is son.
I also live away from him, and I lost my job and have no income while trying to raise my daughter, feel better, figure out how to get another job, what to do with my rented house that I can barely pay, my building that I had a business in and so much more.
I feel like falling apart.
I don’t want to do anything.
Part of me wants me to be with someone else, even if just for a day to feel like i can breathe again- and I’m very loyal and have never cheated, but it’s becoming a place where my mind goes when everything is falling apart.
I don’t think I’d do it unless I ended my relationship because that would end my relationship.
I’ve voiced my concerns so many times, but no one hears me.
I’ve tried manifestation and mediation, but I’m in too much pain for it to work right now.
I can barely focus.
I have been fine for almost a year, but I am in limbo trying to figure out if my partner is a partner, and if I’m meant to even be with him at this point, like i just feel everything is wrong.
Nobody tells you about how bad the downs can be, or how much you get to suffer until it finally comes out and your so deep under the water they don’t even know how to pull you out.
I’d rather know what I’m doing and get a job on my own.
The only money I do have will be gone soon.
So many crisis’. So many reasons to fail when I hate failing.
I need options for work again.
What do you guys do when you feel like falling off the edge?